What's New???

Out With the Old, In With the New

2005-09-10T20:04:00.000-05:00

Hello again. I have returned for one final post. I am at my dad's house, on my sister's computer, so I'll try to keep this short and sweet.

I am all moved in, love my new job (all the bad and good that goes with it), and couldn't see myself doing anything but teaching. The smiles and hugs I get every day are definitely worth it!

Lots of other things have happened, but in respect to time and such, I'm not going to share today.

I still don't have internet in the new place, but when I do, I'm starting a shiny, new blog. This one is feeling constricting and old, like last year's gym shoes. I don't know when or where, but I will return to the internet. I promise.

TTFN, Ta Ta For Now!

~ Miss Brandi

I Missed You, Internet!!!

2005-08-19T21:14:00.000-05:00

As most of you have noticed, I'm sure, I have been quite absent from this site the past several days. I have limited access to the internet now, so posts will be few and far between. I will do my best to update you on what has been happening while trying not to turn this into a gigantic post.

I have missed the internet so much. I became so accustomed to checking my email and reading the blogs I frequent at least twice a day. Now I am down to once a week-ish, and it's not fun. I hope you missed me as much as I missed you.

I successfully moved most of my belongings to my new apartment. The remaining items are with me at my mom's home until tomorrow. By tomorrow evening, I will be an official resident of the teeny tiny town I'll be teaching in.

ALL of my fish survived the move, thanks to the kind help of Sid. I checked on them Wednesday when I went up there for a workshop, and they all looked great. I hope they are still doing well when I get there tomorrow.

Tomorrow is my last day at the liquor/convenience store. I will miss the people there a lot. I have become more attached to them than I thought possible. They are all genuine, caring, fun people that I enjoyed spending time with, both at work and outside of work.

I start teaching in five days. I am so excited to begin, but I feel very nervous and underprepared. I don't think I'd feel any different if I had more time; the newness and the unknown aspects of the situation are just making me a little antsy.

Happy Moving Day To Me!

2005-08-14T00:58:00.000-05:00

In less than 10 hours, I will begin moving all of my belonings to my new home. I have almost everything packed and cleaned. Most of the things that are left can't really be done until I leave (example: packing up food from the fridge) I did very little procrastinating (Yay Me!), and I'll be ready to roll in the morning.

I have rounded up the best moving crew around, and I am excited to spend some time with them and put them all to work :) I'm sure they will be impressed with (or annoyed by) my color-coded system for placement of my belongings when we get to the new place. I even made little cheat sheets that say what each color stands for.

Ok, maybe I went a little overboard with the organization, but if your belongings are in order, then your life is in order, remember?

I got off work a little bit ago. Work was ok. The newness of the job is finally worn off, and it's becoming less fun and more work. I'll be glad to be done with this job and starting my career. Next week is my last week at the convenience/liquor store, as well as my last week with the Japanese students. I have learned lots of fun and useful words and phrases from them. For example:

ah-ree-gah-toe = thank you
ah-may = rain or candy
ee-koo-yo = let's go
chin chin = penis
so so so so = I understand or I agree

I also learned how to say "Let's go drink," but it was long and complicated and I forgot it.

In The Name of "Friendship"

2005-08-12T08:42:00.000-05:00

I just got one of the most infuriating emails I have ever received. It is from someone who claims to be my friend. The email is in regards to my recent plans to see Nick in a few weeks. I wanted to share some of the gems, taken directly from it. Any errors in spelling, grammar, etc… are from the original writer, not me.

“i know your just looking for anyone who will pay attention to you right now”

If that’s all I wanted, I could be with any number of other guys right now. I’m not trying to sound snide, but if all I wanted from a man was attention, I would be at the bar, getting drunk and going home with the first man who looked my way. I would like to think I have a little more self-respect than that.

“has to be better than this druggy you are dating now “

First of all, we are not dating. I don’t know what we are. Second, I wouldn’t call one mistake being a druggy, but my definition may be different that that of other people. I’m going with my gut feeling, which says he’s not.

“the ONLY reason he, and maybe you, are even trying to make a 10 hour relationship work is for someone to be with in the bedroom”
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“and PLEASE PLEASE tell me he doiesnt have you doin weed or meth or cocain” … “you are going to have drug tests at work”
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“dont just be lookin to hook up with the first guy that wants to get in your pants”

What kind of person does he think I am? Later on, he claims to “know me better than anyone,” yet he says stupid shit like this to me? According to him, I’m some rejected loser girl whose only goal in life is to get attention from guys, do drugs, and have random sex with “the first guy that wants to get in my pants.” Do you honestly think that after how many months, that he is the first? Again, I’m not trying to be arrogant; I’m just trying to make a point.

If I have abstained from such behavior (while single, might I add) for this long, what makes you think my moral judgment is so low that I would suddenly change my values and beliefs and partake in said activities? Yeah, he knows me so, so well.

“i know you will be mad that i wrote this stuff” … “i hope your not to mad”

Mad? Me? Now, why would I be mad that someone I once truly cared about has such a low opinion of me? Honestly, I shouldn’t give a shit what he thinks, but he knows exactly what to say to push my buttons. He loves to manipulate the situation in his favor, and it pisses me off to no end. I read this while on the phone with him (after seeing he called twice at 3 AM) and was so furious that I was shaking.

Maybe I am making a mistake asking Nick and Brad to visit me for a weekend. Maybe Nick is expecting more than I am. I am not concerned with the “drug” thing, because I understand the situation behind that, but who knows. If you honestly can, someone please tell me I’m not making a mistake, and that I’m making more out of this email than I should.

I hope those of you that know me, don’t share such an opinion of me. I would like to think that I am a stronger/smarter person than the one described above.

See You In My Dreams

2005-08-10T18:33:00.000-05:00

I was pretty sleepy most of the day today. I didn't sleep well last night. I had a bad dream, but I couldn't remember what it was once I woke up. I had to work at 7 AM, which came way too early. Today was truck day, so I stayed pretty busy and the hours flew by.

After work, I went to DSU to work with the Japanese students. We played Uno (I lost both games), Pictionary (my team won - I'm the pictionary champ!), and made dreamcatchers. This was difficult for everyone involved. You try explaining detailed directions to someone with limited English skills. Or better yet, try following directions given in a language you are not extremely fluent in. There was a lot of pantomime and gesturing, but everyone got it in the end. Mine turned out beautifully. I'm hoping it will bring me lots of pleasant dreams.

When I got home, I did some packing and cleaning, and then got a phone call from Nick. We chatted for a while, and picked a weekend for him to come visit me. He will be here (well, not here, but at my new apartment) September 2nd (and Brad too, I hope ... hint, hint, this means you have to come with him Bradley). I feel a little bad that he has to drive so far, but at the same time, I'm shocked that he's willing to do that.

Tonight I'm supposed to meet Billie and Marcus in Sioux Falls. I'm not going to hold my breath on that one though, since Marcus has a history of changing plans at the last minute. It would be nice to hang out with him before I move this weekend. (eek! I have so much to do before Sunday!!!)

Which reminds me. This is your official invitation. If you are not doing anything on Sunday, please please PLEASE come help me move. I can't pay you, but I can see to it that you are well-fed and well-hydrated with the beverage of your choice. Any takers?

My Life Has Become ...

2005-08-07T22:50:00.000-05:00

... a string of days between weekends. Nothing exciting happens to me during the week. I just seem to coast through until Friday arrives and brings me some excitement. This weekend was no exception.

Friday morning, I got up early and went to do some research and preparation at my school. I got to meet some of the teachers, and being one of two single females in the entire school, they are already trying to marry me off. Apparently, eligible bachelorettes are a hot commodity around there.

After staying and talking far longer than I should have, I arrived back in town late, and was very late getting on the coach for the big weekend in the cities. The coach bus was very nice - complete with several leather couches and a big screen TV.

At Valley Fair, I rode on all the roller coasters at least once. Steel Venom is my favorite, by far. Mall day was much too long for me (ten hours). Half a day would have been plenty. Near the end, I did lots of sitting. The Twins game this afternoon was a first for me, and a lot of fun. I even saw some guy propose on the big screen without gagging (progress!!).

I think the Japanese students were most impressed by the Twins game. They have huge shopping malls and amusement parks in Japan, so I don't think that was really anything new for them. Although they have baseball in Japan, it's not nearly as popular as in the US, and I don't think many of the students had been to a game.

I posted some pictures from the weekend below. I wish I would have taken more pictures, but I didn't bring an actual camera, and forgot the charger for my cell phone.

I also had the fortunate experience of my first blind date with a great guy named Nick. (Thank you, Brad!) It was kind of a spur-of-the-moment, last minute thing, but I had a very nice time. With him living in Duluth, and me several hours away in another state, I don't know what will come of this, but it was definitely fun.

We got back around 10:30 tonight, and I came home to a sweltering apartment. My poor fish were practically boiled while I was gone. I felt pretty bad for them. One of the first things I did was appease my internet withdrawls and check all my regular sites and emails. It's nice to be home :)

Next weekend is the big move, and the weekend after that? Well, who knows ...

Lego Land in the MOA

2005-08-07T22:38:00.000-05:00

Me and my man Harry Potter. My sister has a picture almost identical to this, but with her in it, so I had to get one too.

Twins Game

2005-08-07T22:27:00.000-05:00

Me in the HHH Metrodome. It is much bigger than it looks on TV. We had great seats along the foul line behind first base.

I Just Don't Get It

2005-08-04T19:32:00.000-05:00

Why are guys obsessed with poop?

I have heard countless guys talk about poop - especially their own. They like to share with you that they have to take a dump or that they just took a crap. They like to describe the color, shape, hardness, and consistecy of their fecal matter. I've even heard stories about one guy calling people into the bathroom to show off his toilet treasure.

Most girls, on the other hand, do not discuss the contents of their bowels. We may talk about every other topic under the sun, including other abdominal occurrences that make boys blush, but poop is rarely mentioned. Nor do most women enjoy hearing about a man's bowel movements.

Any explanation of this phenomenon would be greatly appreciated.

Full Speed Ahead

2005-08-02T17:13:00.000-05:00

Alongside my current convenience/liquor store occupation, this month I'll be working as a chaperone/conversation partner with a group of college students from Japan. The students spend a month in the midwest learning about American culture and language. I have helped with this program in the past, and I always have a great time with the students.

This weekend I will be going to the cities with them to partake in Valley Fair, a Twins game, and of course, the Mall of America. It will take every ounce of willpower I have not to spend a bunch of money there. They have a store for everything and anything in that building! See for yourself if you don't believe me!

July has come and gone, and August is now upon us. This means I have less than two weeks to finish all of my packing and cleaning, and less than three weeks to prepare myself and my classroom for students. Where did the time go?

This summer has been a great one; probably one of the most memorable. A lot has happened; good, bad, and otherwise. The zeitgeist of the summer has shown me how resilient a person can be, and proves that there is truth in the saying, "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger." No one says it like Nietzsche

And the best part? It's far from over yet.

Ah, Saturdays...

2005-07-31T09:05:00.000-05:00

Last night was an interesting one. I went to my friend Cody's house to grill out and have a few drinks. Because he and I are grilling virgins, we failed miserably. Our barbecue chicken quarters ended up charred black on the outside and completely uncooked on the inside. So the five of us drove to KFC and ate there instead. **Note to self: Do not cook chicken on high when grilling.

After I left, I got a call from Sid, who was at a wedding dance. He gave me very good directions, but I still got a little lost. At a stoplight, I was greeted by two guys carrying beer and stuff from a gas station across the street. They were very friendly, and gave me directions, and even offered to buy me a beer. It turns out that they were at a bachelor party being held at the same time and in the same place as the wedding dance.

When I arrived, I called Sid to find out which door to enter. I didn't want to end up at the bachelor party with a bunch of drunk guys talking dirty, carrying around weird props, and stuffing dollar bills into the waistband of some dancer's underwear. I've never been to an actual bachelor party, but that's how I see it in my head - not my kind of party. As I made my way to the correct door, I saw the friendly direction-givers again and thanked them for their help, but declined their previous offer.

At the dance, I met some interesting people, had some interesting conversation, and had only one drink. Sid, on the other hand, had quite a few, and even finished the second drink I ordered but didn't touch. I'm pretty sure he has a new reason to call himself "sick boy" today, lol. Luckily, Elrod was there to drive him home safely.

I got a little sad staring at the wedding party dancing and having all kinds of fun on the dance floor, but held my composure quite well. I didn't expect it to bother me at all, since I survived my cousin's wedding almost completely unscathed. I think the volume of alcohol consumed at the first wedding versus the second may have affected that.

As we left (or were told to leave since they were closing), we witnessed a serious brawl. We stood outside talking for a little bit and watched a group of people gathering and shouting at one another. Two men were pushed apart, and then a woman punched one of the men in the face. I'm not talking a little girly slap; this was a closed-fisted, full-power punch right to the nose. Then another guy threw her purse into the parking lot, and all kinds of craziness broke loose. Everyone was shouting, fists were flying, and I was scared! The three of us chose that moment to walk very quickly past the group and to our cars.

At about the time we reached Elrod's car, the woman's purse was hurled toward us, hitting a nearby tree. She rushes over and shouts at us, asking where her purse is. I point to the tree and she leaves. I wasn't going to say anything that could be taken the wrong way to a girl that can hit like that.

Decisions, Decisions

2005-07-27T21:06:00.000-05:00

In life, there are many, many choices to be made. Some of the decisions we make are easy (Should I wear the blue shirt or the yellow shirt?), but some take a bit more thought and consideration (Is this what I want to do with my future?). Most of the time, you don't know whether you made the right choice until the repurcussions are upon you.

Now, more than ever, I am terrified of choosing a path and finding out it is the wrong one. Deciding to date, move in with, and marry Matt, were all decisions I thought were right. In my heart, I truly believed I was destined to spend the rest of my life with this man, and was happy with that.

Considering where I'm at now, I have to ask myself if one or all of those decisions may have been wrong. Still, how could something feel so right and be wrong? Can one's own heart really be so misleading? What other decisions that I've made will serve me with equally negative consequences?

Take my teaching job, for example. Should I have accepted it, or should I have continued to apply to other schools and hope for another offer? Will I be happy living in the tiny town I will work in, or should I have looked for more apartments in a nearby, larger city?

Someday (I hope), I will be in a position to enter into another relationship. How will I know if I'm ready, or if it's right? I can't trust my heart, the misleading entity that made the last decision. Do I listen to my head, and trust in logic? Do I go with my gut feeling?

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Here I go worrying again. Worrying about things I have no control over. I need to just let go and let things happen when and how they will happen. Too bad it's easier said than done.

Happy WANTBTAPOTOG Day!

2005-07-25T23:14:00.000-05:00

In case you didn't know, today was "wear-a-nametag-belonging-to-a-person-of-the-opposite-gender" day. To celebrate, my two male coworkers and I dug through all of the nametags for past and present employees and donned new names. I was Lincoln. They were Jenny and Brandi.

During my six-hour shift, only three people noticed any of our nametags. I admit, "Lincoln" could possibly be a female name, but Jenny or Brandi for guys? Come on...

Today, I got to spend time with a good friend that I haven't seen in months. I picked her up at the airport, as she was returning from a long vacation home. She is the type of person you can share hours of badinage with and leave feeling happy and good about yourself. I will have to visit her more often.

In other important news, Jet has decided to kick the "nic" habit. Stop by his site and wish him luck.

**Note: "wear-a-nametag-belonging-to-a-person-of-the-opposite-gender" day is not an actual holiday. But it should be!

Flattery Will Get You Everywhere

2005-07-21T17:07:00.000-05:00

I got this in an email today. It made me smile, so I thought I'd share it.

Click HERE, type your name, and then sit back and enjoy.

More than you wanted to know.

2005-07-20T17:58:00.000-05:00

I started packing today. I have a little pile of boxes and tubs started in my living room. I started this morning, very excited to get into moving mode. I was even contemplating some sort of color coding system, so that I'll know what boxes go it what rooms just by the color of the sticker/label on the box. (I know, I know, way too much time on my hands.)

After giving it much thought, I decided this would be way too complicated, and it's so much easier to write "kitchen" or "bedroom" on the box than to set up some sort of fancy system that will end up costing me more time and money than it would be saving.

Over the summer, I have gained this obsession with organization. I feel that if my belongings are in order, this must mean that my life is in order. It sounds weird, but it helps. At least it feels like it helps.

I started with my closet. The tops in my closet are sorted by sleeve length, collar or lack of, and material weight (i.e. sweatshirt versus long sleeve shirt). The bottoms, by length, material, and skirt versus pant. My dresser, likewise, is very organized.

Next I I moved to my books. All of my Stephen King books are ordered by date of publishing, and the rest of my books by genre and size. My teaching books are on a separate shelf, sorted by subject. I also created about ten binders from the educational materials I have gathered, all sorted by subject and subcategories.

My third and final project was the bathroom closet. The items are sorted by shelf, with each shelf holding products that are of similar use. There's a shelf for hair items, general first aid, bath and body, laundry/cleaning stuf, and so on.

See? My belongings are in order; therefore, my life is in order.

Now, I have to take all of this well-organized stuff, pack it into boxes, and come up with a new method in the new apartment. The new place has a much different layout, so much of my current set-up won't work. I'll have to start planning now. Maybe the color coding system wasn't such a bad idea.

Survival of the ... well, we won't go there.

2005-07-19T08:25:00.000-05:00

The wedding went well. I only got sad a couple of times (when the music first started, when she walked down the aisle, and their first dance).

It was great seeing all of my family again. I got to talk to just about every one of my cousins on that side and catch up on what all of them are doing. My dad's side of the family is borderline normal. Sure, we have our quirky members, but for the most part, we are all really great people.

My cousin Lance made sure I had a drink in my hand practically from the second the service was over until I quit drinking in the wee hours of the morning. I'm still a bit flummoxed about how I arrived back at the hotel, but I'm glad I made it there safely. To pay for all that he was feeding me, he got the pleasure of looking out for me most of the night.

At one point, we ended up at a local bar, where I saw two of my coworkers. I still feel quite embarrassed that they saw me in such a state. One of them tried to carry me out of the bar, but Lance rescued me. I still cringe a little when I see them at work.

I spent most of Sunday sleeping, moving as little as possible, and eating almost nothing. I guess fun like that comes at a price.

Luck. And Maybe A Few Stiff Drinks.

2005-07-14T16:35:00.000-05:00

I found an apartment. (Hooray!) I will be living above the post office in the town where I will be teaching. It's a nice 2-bedroom with a washer & dryer, dishwasher, new stove, fridge, and tub, and a little deck area on top of the building. Plus, the utilities are included in the rent, which is pretty reasonable. I can't wait to move in. Any strong boys care to help?

I also got my official teaching contract in the mail today. Things are definitely moving in a forward direction, and I like it.

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I have decided to go to my cousin's wedding on Saturday. I am very nervous about this. As I said before, I am very happy for them, and wish them only the best! Meanwhile, I think it's going to hurt pretty badly seeing someone else get married, while my very unmarried self is forced to sit and watch. (sigh)

Wish me luck. Please. I think I am going to need it.

Everybody Loves Kung Fu Fighting

2005-07-13T08:06:00.000-05:00

I am going apartment hunting today :) This will be my third "home" in six months. I think I'm starting to turn in to Matt. (just kidding) I'm also going to fill out some paperwork for insurance, etc... at the school.

I got a call last night at about 12:30 AM. I was just starting to doze off when the phone rang (or rather, started singing "Kung Fu Fighting" - complete with the little "Huh!" noises they make when doing the kung fu moves). It was my long-lost friend Marcus, visiting my sister. We have been friends since I was in eighth grade, and he was in sixth. Back then, he was this scrawny, gangly, goofy-looking kid who was so much fun to hang out with. He is one of the few people I still associate with from high school. Today he's much taller, more muscular, and as goofy as ever.

He ships off to Iraq in September. I think I'm more nervous than he is. He turns 21 in about 2 weeks. I will have to help him celebrate :)

For you, Bradley, I bring another dream.

In this one, I am starting my first day as a teacher. I feel totally unprepared and overdressed. I'm wearing my interview suit, and the principal leads me around the building, showing me where everything is. She hands me a list of students when we reach my classroom. I start the day with two very active boys who are thrilled by their malfeasance. I have no idea what to do with them, so I teach them some math. They leave, and I have one very calm girl come in, who I read a book with. Then it's lunch time. I sit down at the table, and my cooperating teacher and her two aides (from student teaching) are at the table. When I start talking, the whole table leans in to listen to me. I don't know what I said.

After lunch, the two boys return, along with a third. I sit the two boys at computers playing some game called "Mad French Munchers," a game that teaches French words. I give the third boy a test to see how well he can read. The the computer tech person runs in and asks who installed the Mad French Muncher program on the computers. I tell him I did. He walks over to the computers, watches for a while, says, "Brilliant," and leaves the room. While the boys are still there, the same girl returns with another girl. They go to my aide and work with her. I wake up.

What do you think?

Must Be the Fancy Shoes

2005-07-10T09:23:00.000-05:00

I had a bad dream last night. In this dream, I wander a small, sleepy town, the kind that looks like a dozen houses dropped in the middle of a field. I meet my sister, and we begin walking down a road and into a building. In it, we find a scary man who chases us. The three of us end up in a bowling alley. I compliment him on his scaring ability, and he monologues on his fondness for bowling alleys.

Out of nowhere, my sister screams, "Run for Madison Lanes!" and exits. I follow, and I hear the man growl-scream and chase after us. When I get outside, I look around and see that the whole town is just a series of bowling alleys on grassy lots. I try to follow my sister, but I fall down. To save myself, I pretend to be unconscious. As I close my eyes, I see the scary man chasing my sister, and I feel anger in myself for not helping her. I lay there, eyes closed, waiting for the scary man to come back for me. This is where I woke up, feeling deathly afraid to open my eyes, my heart pounding in my chest.

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My sister fixed my haircut last night. It looks really good now. I am always impressed by her talent with that sort of thing. She hasn't had any formal training, nor does she work in any salon, but she has a steady stream of paying clientele, mostly friends and family. Lots of people tell her she should go to school for this because she is already so good at it. I don't know why she doesn't.

Nothing exciting happening today. I don't have to work, and have no real plans. I should wash my dishes and pick up the apartment a little. I also need a shower; I still smell like last night's bug spray.

I'm Not Even Joking

2005-07-09T10:48:00.000-05:00

I got my haircut a few days ago, and I wasn't sure of what to think of it. While cutting my hair, the stylist's unprofessional mien did not impress me. She seemed more focused on her friends who worked there, as well as flirting with some guy that she insisted looked like Vince Vaughn. Needless to say, she didn't get a tip.

I have tried fixing it several different ways, and I can't seem to do anything with it. It's much shorter than I wanted, and it looks like a helmet. Honestly, it's that bad.

After the reactions from people who have seen me, I have decided to become a recluse. I plan to stay solely in my apartment for at least a month. I'm pretty sure the grocery store does deliveries, and I can earn money selling my possessions on ebay.

I know you probably think I'm overreacting, but if you saw it, you would understand.

So There!

2005-07-06T23:49:00.000-05:00

I am officially fully recovered from my very exciting weekend. As I mentioned, I got a bit of a sunburn on Monday. It is starting to heal, and it itches like crazy. I've found that if I scratch it with my nails, it ends up stinging like mad, so I try not to do that anymore.

Work was busy today. Got to hear a story about someone I work with - actually two someone's I work with. Very scandalous. I feel bad for both of them having such a spotlight turned on them. I yelled (sort of) at two male coworkers who were discussing them. I told them it was none of our business. I wouldn't want the whole store discussing my personal business, so I don't think it's right that we discuss theirs.

I talked to Matt tonight. He seems to be doing well. I enjoy talking to him, but lately he always makes presumptuous comments that annoy me. He assumes I am seeing/dating/sleeping with someone, and offers names of those whom he thinks it might be. I remind him that it's none of his business, and that we are not together anymore. He continues by telling me that he is just joking, which he obviously is not. As he says this, I can hear his mouth twist into a snide rictus. I change the subject.

First of all, I'm not partaking in any of the above. See that? I'm writing it here, plain as day for anyone to read. Stop assuming you know something you don't! Second, I don't even know if I'd be ready for something like that. To be totally honest? I'm more than a little scared to do all that stuff over again.

Being on your best behavior in front of the new boyfriend. Wearing clothes that are uncomfortable in order to hide the flaws and accentuate the positives of your body. Nervously anticipating the first kiss, and all the other firsts that follow. Meeting his male friends. Meeting his female friends and trying not to hate them for knowing him better than you. Meeting his family. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera ...

Why would I even want to go through all of that right now? I'm far too busy spending my time trying to use words like "rictus" in an intelligible sentence.

Everything Changes

2005-07-04T23:59:00.000-05:00

I have to say this was an extremely unforgettable weekend. Things happen, life changes for all of us, and the only way to survive is to change with it. I have no idea what the future holds for me. I stopped trying to figure that out shortly after my master plan exploded in my hands.

In an earlier post, I said that I was going to take this summer one day at a time, and enjoy everything that happens – planned or unplanned. I think I've done a pretty good job so far. This summer has taken me in some directions that I had never expected. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me back up a bit.

Saturday night, I had dinner with a group of friends at Johnny Carino’s. The food was good, and the peach bellini I had to drink was even better. We later went to a party for two individuals – one who shared my birthday, and another who was leaving for Iraq soon. It was great to meet some new people and listen to some interesting stories.

We helped them finish off their keg, as well as an assortment of single-serving sized bottles of liquor. We watched several people shoot off fireworks and play drunk volleyball. Near the end, a guitar showed up and we began making up lyrics for whatever was being played. Most of them ended up with some reference to a certain female organ and beer.

I spent most of Sunday recovering from Saturday, until I got a call from Jet, who owed me a birthday drink. I had dinner with him and Sid at Bennigan’s, and then we bought some beverages and played P & A until almost sunrise. Those of you who have played this game with me before know how that presidential power corrupts the hell out of me. Even though I know I'll end up atoning for my unforgiving reign as president, I just can't stop myself from doling out drinks left and right.

During the course of the night, we shared some good conversation, and a story or two. I had more to drink that I probably should have, and I’m pretty sure I made a bit of an ass out of myself during the course of the evening. But I had fun, and I’m sure everyone else had fun laughing at me. All in all, it was a good time.

I spent most of my Independence day sleeping and getting sunburned. I returned home for the city celebration – parade, festival in the park, and some amazing, varicolored fireworks – with ample napping time in between. Considering the fact that I had less that one hour of sleep to begin the day with, I fared pretty well.

As I was saying when I started this very long post, this has been an adventurous weekend, taking me places I never anticipated going. I appreciate everything that all of you did to make this weekend what it was. It wouldn’t have been the same without you. I will take from each experience what I can, and try to enjoy tomorrow as much as I did today – hangover and all.

Sparklers

2005-07-03T13:53:00.000-05:00

We went to a party with someone who shared my b-day and someone leaving for Iraq. They liked fireworks.

Skills

2005-07-03T13:47:00.000-05:00

We saw a waiter do this so we decided to try.

Cutie

2005-07-02T21:00:00.000-05:00

Cody being a hottie!

Birthday

2005-07-02T15:17:00.000-05:00

My first official b-day present. They know me too well...

I'm a Pushover

2005-07-01T15:54:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, shortly after I got home from work, a high school girl with a southern accent came to my door. She gave me this spiel about earning points by talking to me in order to get a trip to Europe. All I had to do was talk to her and look at some magazine subscription thing.

I invited her in, after she asked if she could sit on my floor, and she proceeded to talk more in ther brief stay that I most people talk all day. Seriously, this girl was garrulous. Eventually, she started in on her magazine thing. I started out pretty well, telling her that I wasn't interested in buying any magazines. She said she understood, and went off on another tangent in another direction, but kept coming back to the magazines.

I finally got sick of listening to her (although she was very nice), but didn't know how to ask her to leave. Every time I tried, she would go off in another direction at a million miles an hour. I finally agreed to buy the cheapest magazine in her little brochure. I ended up writing her a check for $51.00.

Go ahead, read that ridiculously large number again. I'll wait.

After she left, I began to feel guilty about spending that much money, and was a little skeptical of her "points" story. I filled out the cancellation form on the back of the receipt (she gave me 2 copies) and promptly took it to the post office. I also tried to do a stop payment on the check I gave her, but my bank charges $30 for that (how ridiculous!), so I decided against that.

How in the world do you say no to something like that without coming off as a crabby mean person? Cause I really suck at that.

Moderation is Good

2005-06-28T13:01:00.000-05:00

Faithful readers, we are nearing the end of June, which means July will be here before you know it. One of my favorite days comes at the beginning of July. It is a day full of festivities and friends.

What day is this, you ask? Why, it is my birthday of course! (Oh, and there’s another holiday a couple days later that is fun as well.)

On the second, I will be twenty-three years old. This doesn’t entail any major changes, such as the ability to obtain a driver’s licence (age 16), vote (age 18), or drink (age 21), but you have to take what you can get.

In honor of my gaining another year, my employer is giving me either a free 12-pack of beer or 6-pack of my choice of some bottled fruity-beverage. (I told you, the perfect summer job!)

No major plans as of yet, although some possibilities are in discussion. My sister suggested that she and I redo our 21st birthdays, since neither of us had quite the night that we’d expected. I'm not sure exactly what the night will entail, but it should be fun. I don't plan to have as much fun as I did last year, in which I ended the night passed out and puking, and spent the next day woebegone and feeling like crap.

In honor of the occasion, wherever you may end up that evening, have a drink for me :)

Be a good listener. Your ears will never get you in trouble. (Frank Tyger)

2005-06-26T09:27:00.000-05:00

Last night started when I met Sid to go see Batman Begins. We checked the listings online, picked a show time, and before we left, I got to watch him take contacts out of his eyes for the second time in his entire life. I felt bad for him having such a hard time, but I couldn't help but giggle once in a while at the faces he was making.

We went to the movie, and it was pretty good! I'm not a movie reviewer, so I'm not going to give you the synopsis of the movie. Go and see it; I promise it will be worth your money.

After the movie, we stopped in at Willy's for a drink. It was great to see the same familiar faces, along with some interesting new ones. I met two of the most outgoing, friendly people I've ever come across, and apparently, they are not fond of quiet people. (Enter the girl who says almost nothing when around new/unfamiliar people.) My introverted nature led to me being carried around the bar in my chair. At first it scared the crap out of me, but it was actually kind of fun. :)

Someone asked about Matt last night, who didn’t know we had broken up. It definitely threw me for a loop; I just assumed that by now, everyone knows the situation. I realize that many people are still curious about the details, and why our amative relationship ended so abruptly. Truth be told, I still don’t understand everything that happened, or why. Maybe one day when I run out of topics to post about, I’ll share that information. As of right now, I feel better leaving it be.

On the drive home, I thought about why I am such a quiet person. I don't want others to think I am being aloof or stuck-up. Sometimes I wish I could be more like the couple I met last night; unafraid to say anything to anyone. They had such a friendly way of doing it that you couldn’t help but like them.

Those who know me best know that I’m not always that quiet. Notice that I don’t use the word “shy” (timid, easily startled). I used to be shy. In elementary school, teachers had to pry words out of me, especially when the whole class was listening. I was much more content to sit near the back, watching and listening to everything happening around me.

Now I am just “quiet” (making little or no noise; restrained in style; understated). I choose to listen more than I talk. I admire those people who are just bubbling with words. I like to listen to them speak because you never know what is going to come out of their mouths next. The next time I’m out, and you are there, don’t be offended if I say less than ten words to you. I am listening intently to everything you say.

P.S. Led, you are officially back on my contacts list. (Sorry!)

Man Escapes Handcuffs During Group Sex Party With Minor Injuries

2005-06-25T16:40:00.000-05:00

To celebrate my good news, Jet, Sid, and Elrod, and I went out last night. We visited several bars, had several drinks, and saw some very interesting sights along the way.

At the first place, we listened to some very good songs played by a very bad band. At another place, Jet was chased down by a “friend,” and was told by this person not to run away from him. I must say the last place we visited was the most interesting. It was here that we witnessed two freaky people going at it in the corner and a guy in a cowboy hat shaking it like it was going out of style. We also caught brief glimpses of two chicks fighting in the ladies room, and I learned a new way to flip people off.

Near the end of the night, the three began to share some interesting stories about one another. Although I consider myself a philomath, I learned a more than I ever wanted (or needed) to know about those three. Without giving names, some of the topics brought up include donkey-punching, stolen cell phones, turning women gay, overactive bowels, drunken chivalry, and new names for the female anatomy.

Some other things happened that night, but I've been sworn to secrecy about them. The headline may give you a hint.

Or it may throw you off completely :)

A Job, A Job!

2005-06-24T17:01:00.000-05:00

So, I had my third interview today. And the third time is the charm, right?

I met the principal, had a tour of the school, and then sat down with him for the interview. It began with some friendly chatting, and then he got down to business. He explained to me that he would be using a standardized rating scale, and began by reading this scripted paragraph before beginning the questions. I felt like I was taking the ACT's all over again.

Some of the questions were tricky, and many were thought provoking, but I did my best on all of them. At the end, he reminded me that I had the option to go back to any of the questions and add to my answers, and asked me if I wanted to do that. My mind was racing. "Should I say yes? Did I do that badly?"

I said no, mostly because I couldn't remember any of the questions. He asked me how it was and said that I did very well. Then we spoke for a few minutes more, and I asked him the same questions I asked at the last interviews.

He ended the meeting by saying, "I don't usually do this, but I would like to offer you the position."

He offered me the job! Right there on the spot; no commination of my former alma-mater required. Apparently I did better on the standardized thing that I thought. He had the business office type up a contract, which I brought home with me, unable to wipe the cheesy grin off my face.

Hooray! A Job! An actual teaching job, with my own classroom, and my own students!

I will send the contract back to them sometime mid-next week. I don't want to seem too overly-excited.

Happy F*@#ing Father's Day to You, Too!

2005-06-23T19:32:00.000-05:00

As you can see from the title, I'm not very happy about Father's Day right now. This is because the rest of my family totally flaked out on me, and it made me mad.

As a Father's Day gift for my stepdad, I bought 4 Canaries tickets for tonight's game. I thought he'd like them because he's a big sports buff, and I remembered how much fun we had going to Canaries games together last summer. I even bought the good tickets, the expensive tickets, and not the cheap-ass general seating ones.

My sister called me a little while ago. Apparently, my stepdad can't go to the game because he has some farm stuff to do (something with hay - I don't know, I'm not a farmer). After he told my mom this, she decided she didn't want to go. After telling me all of this, Billie, being the voluble speaker she is, decided that she didn't want to go. This pissed me off for a number of reasons.

Number One: I put a lot of thought into that gift. I didn't get him some lame piece of crap that would just sit on a shelf; I got him something he could enjoy, that we could all enjoy together. I understand there was probably a good reason for him cancelling at the last minute, but it still infuriated me.

Number Two: Even if my step-dad couldn't go to the game, the rest of my family didn't have to bail on me. I don't even like baseball all that much, but I was looking forward to this. My mom and sister just acted like it was a waste of time.

Number Three: As a recent college graduate working a part-time job, I don't have a lot of extra money to just be throwing around like it's nothing. By not using these tickets, I'm wasting $36! That may not seem like much to you, but to me it's a pretty big chunk of my savings I just crapped away.

After heated discussions with my mom and sister, I felt dejected, angry, and helpless to do anything about it. So I did what I always do in such a situation. I cried. Then I got mad at myself for making such a big deal out of this.

"Suck it up, whiner! It's just a stupid baseball game, and you didn't even really care that much about going. Get over it!"

Then I watched a movie, took a nap, and felt a little better.

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Next year, I'm buying him a Barbie Doll.

It Must Be the Heat...

2005-06-20T17:12:00.000-05:00

... or maybe the nap I took at my mom's this afternoon that are making me feel so damn crabby. Ever since I woke up, I have felt like punching someone. And since I live alone, I have no way to fulfill this desire. Where is Matt when I need him? (just joking - I do not condone violence as a cure for moodiness)

I spent the day at my mom's house, checking out her new goats (very cute) and getting some much-needed sun. I was hoping it would get my mind off the fact that school A is supposed to contact me today as to whether or not I got the job.

I checked my email about a billion times, and even checked my voice mail, just in case my cell reception at her house was crappy and maybe I had missed the call. I still haven't heard anything yet. This is making me feel a little agitated, but I'm hoping that the old adage holds true - "No news is good news."

One good thing that happened today was that I figured out why my AC wasn't working. I got home around 4:30, and it was HOT in the apartment. I decided to turn on the air conditioner (for the first time this summer) before I got in the shower. I plugged it in, played with the dials, but got nothing. I searched the unit for some sort of switch or something, but didn't have any luck. These exigent circumstances required immediate action, especially considering my present state of mind (unwanted heat + unpleasant mood + AC that doesn't work = one pissed off woman).

I got to thinking, and decided to check the fuse box (I think it's called a fuse box; it's got a bunch of levers you flip for different rooms and appliances), and sure enough, the one for the AC was flipped in the opposite direction of the rest of the levers. I pushed it over, and BAM! It started right up. It's still not very cool in here, and the air conditioner is extremely noisy and annoying, but I feel like a mechanical stud for figuring it out. :P

After my day of heliotherapy, I'm considering Brad's advice and partaking in a little "alcotherapy," in hopes that it will cure my dour mood. Or maybe I'll take another nap and wake up a little happier.

BUT

2005-06-17T19:40:00.000-05:00

I had my interview with school B today. I think it went really well. The principal said they would make a decision today, and I would get a call either way.

I got a call about three hours ago from the principal. She said they had made a decision. She said she was really impressed with my file, and I had some great answers to their questions, but...

But. The three letter word that speaks volumes. I'm sure you all know what came next.

I will hear from school A on Monday as to whether or not I got the position there. As much as I'd like to be hopeful, I'm not going to hold my breath on this one.

On my way home, I met Matt at an exit to give him the rest of his stuff that I had. This consisted of a vacuum, a small TV, and a box of random things I found when I moved all my stuff out of the old apartment. I wish I could say our first meeting since he moved went great, but I can't. It wasn't terrible, and there weren't any major altercations, but it wasn't what I expected. Seeing Matt again made me realize how much I missed him, but the feelings I had before just weren't there. I know we'll always be friends, but this meeting just confirmed the fact that we can never recreate the relationship that we once worked so hard for.

Ok, enough bad news for one day. I want to end this on a good note. Let's see...

Hmmm.....

Ummm.....

I can't really think of anything. If someone can help me out (and maybe cheer me up a little), I would really appreciate it.

One Down...

2005-06-15T17:20:00.000-05:00

I survived my first interview. I think it went pretty well. I was interviewed by 3 men; the superintendent, who was 7 foot 1 (no joke - the secretary told me); the technology coordinator (average height), and the high school principal (well over 6 foot 6). The elementary principal/special ed coordinator was gone on business, so he couldn't make it. It was a little intimidating with these TALL guys surrounding me. Once we sat down, it wasn't so bad.

They threw some tough questions at me. I did my best to answer them. I asked a few questions, and they had no trouble answering them. Of course three brains working on one question puts them at a little bit of an advantage. At the end, I was taken on a tour of the school, which is fairly new and VERY nice. All the grades are combined in one building, but each grade grouping is in their own section. This proximity allows for more interaction between grades, which in my opinion is a big advantage to all the students. According to the tech director, who led the tour, the antiquarian school they used to have was sprawled out all over, which wasted time and helped mischevious students get "lost" when moving between buildings.

Before I left, the superintendent let me know that he would contact me Monday - by phone if I got the job, or by email if I didn't.There are 2 others interviewing for the position.The starting salary is $25,500, which isn't much to some people. To me, who's been living on close to minimum wage for the past few years, it seems like a FORTUNE!

Honestly, I'm not sure if I want it. I shouldn't be saying this because it will probably jinx me and I'll never get another job offer all summer and wish I had taken it. Truth be told, my heart is with the elementary students, and middle school is unfamiliar territory for me. Do I think I could do the job? Absolutely. But I could do a better job working within an age group that I'm comfortable with and more familiar with.

On the way there, I got a call from school B. They want me to come in on Friday to interview for the position. YAY! I didn't realize how far away the town was until I looked at Mapquest and Google Maps for driving directions. Looks like Brandi will be up pretty early on Friday, so no late night/early morning, drunk-I-love-you-man phone calls, got it?

And for you Word Of The Day Fanatics? It's in here. See if you can spot it.

Conundrum

2005-06-14T17:57:00.000-05:00

Brandi, I just spoke to ***, the Principal at *** School. She would like you to interview tomorrow, Wednesday, June 15 at 2:30 if at all possible for the *** position. You would go to *** School at (address).

Please let me know if that will work for you.

I got off work, and found that I had recieved both this email and a voicemail at about 5 PM this evening. It is with a school that I would love to work at, in a teaching postion that I'd be perfect for! Great news, right?

The problem: I already set up an interview with another school at 10:30 AM. It is about a 5 hour drive from school A to school B. If you do the math, this makes it more or less impossible for me to get to both interviews.

I really want a chance at the position in school B! I could call school A and ask to reschedule, but I think that would be really tacky and make me look bad. What I ended up doing was calling school B at the number I they left in my voicemail. Because it was after school hours, I got their voicemail. I left a message stating that I'm unable to make it at that time, but I am very interested in the position, and would it be possible for me to please come in on Friday for an interview. I was going for very eager, yet not too desperate. I hope it worked.

Beyond peradventure, I am just so shocked that after all this waiting and hoping for one school to give me a chance, I get two of them. In the same day! I really shouldn't complain. I have friends who are struggling just as I am, and don't have any leads as of yet.
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In other news, I am having a mental struggle with something that recently happened. I'm not sure what stand to take on the issue, especially since I haven't had to face such a dilemma in years. I've talked to Julie about it, and she's made it very clear what she thinks. Still, I just don't know. It's not something I feel comfortable discussing as of yet. I want to get some things worked out on my own before I share it with the whole 2 of you that read this blog. I don't even know why I'm bringing it up, but I felt like sharing, so I did.

I'll Give You a Hint. It Starts With a "B"

2005-06-13T21:38:00.000-05:00

This afternoon, I was fortunate enough to have a visit by my "

boyfriend," as some have started calling him. Once again, I positioned myself so as not to have to wait on him. Here is the general conversation.

CREEPY GUY: Hello there, Mouse.

ME: My name is Brandi.

CREEPY GUY: I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend you. You must be in a bad mood.

ME: (shrug)

**another customer came to the counter, so I turned my attention to her.

CREEPY GUY: (as he is leaving, stares at my nametag/chest) Have a wonderful day, Brandi.

This overzealous display of blandishment left me speechless.

I think I'm in love. (insert vomit sound)
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In other news, I HAVE AN INTERVIEW!

I got an e-mail this morning from a school district asking me to call them. I called, and they asked to set up an interview for this week. It is set for Wednesday at 10:30 AM. I am so excited! And so nervous! Wish me luck.

Side Note: To enhance my vocabulary over the summer, I signed up for a personalized Google page with a word of the day, as well as weather, news, etc... I'm going to try to incorporate my enhanced vocabulary into my daily conversations and posts. See if you can spot today's word.

I Can't Shake the Feeling that Today is Friday

2005-06-11T21:30:00.000-05:00

I spent the whole day in a daze. I'm feeling a little sleep deprived. I worked from 10 to 3, but it went by really quickly, and I don't remember much of it. I remember it raining really hard. I remember getting wet at the drive-up window. (Yes, this is the coolest liquor/convenience store - it has a DRIVE UP WINDOW!!!) After that I came home and took a nap.

Why was I so tired today? I had a very (let me emphasize early) wake up call this morning that ended up lasting almost an hour. Actually, it wasn't a full hour, because the connection was lost several times in the progress. Matt called me and was more than a little upset. I did my best to comfort him and help him feel a little better, but I'm not sure how much help I was. It's really hard to talk to someone you care about and listen to them tell you that their life doesn't matter; that they wish they'd go to sleep and not wake up the next day; that nothing makes them happy anymore. My heart is breaking for him, and I know there's nothing I can do to help him.

Matt, if you read this, know that you have friends and family that would drop everything to help you. You have your whole life ahead of you, and you can do anything you want with it. Yes, what happened really sucks; I'll be the first to agree with you on that one, but if you let those feelings control you, you will never be able to move on with your life.

The way I see it, there are two ways to look at every situation. You can mope in your own self pity and be miserable about what happened, or you can learn something from the events that took place and use that new-found-knowledge to move ahead with your life and make things better for yourself. No one can control how you feel about things but you. Dwell on the negative, and that's all you'll get. Focus on the positive, and you have a better chance.

Ok, I'm stepping off my soap box now, and off to bed.
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After reading this over, I realize it may sound like I was upset about being woken up in the middle of the night. I guess I was a little, but if losing a little sleep means helping a friend, I'd stay up all night.

A Not-So-Ordinary Day

2005-06-09T10:40:00.000-05:00

The time I have spent in my new job have been, so far, quite uneventful. I ring up purchases. I wipe up pop spills. I stock shelves and dust bottles. I get an occasional dirty look for carding 30-year-olds. Yesterday was a little different.

Before I go into that, I have to give you a little back story. The town I live in is home to a wide range of people, in age, race, economic status, and personality. And just like every other town in America, this one has its share of creepy people. You know the kind. They look at you like you're naked. They grin menacingly, often with discolored or missing teeth. They stare at your chest under the guise of looking at your name tag. And they say things that no decent person would say to a total stranger.

One of these "unique individuals" has taken a liking to me. He invited me to a party at his apartment. Surprised, I didn't reply, but just shook my head and mumbled something about having plans. The next time he came in, he asked me why I didn't show up, and then told everyone who walked into the store that I didn't like him. (Duh. Was it that obvious?) He came in yesterday, with his long black-and-gray greasy curly hair in a ponytail, no shirt, and dingy underwear jutting above the waistband of his pants. Wanting to avoid any sort of confrontation, I walked toward the rear of the counter, letting Erin ring up whatever he was purchasing. As I busily pretended to shuffle papers on the counter, he made some smartass comment about me hiding from him and called me a mouse.

Mouse?! This creepy disgusting man just called me a mouse?!?! I was five seconds from lighting into his ass and telling him what I thought of his little pet name. Fortunately, I didn't have to. Erin took care of it for me.

I'm pretty sure he'll leave me alone now :)

2005-06-07T10:00:00.000-05:00

I found this link on one of the blogs I frequent. I have several blogs that I read on a regular basis, some of which are created by people I've never met. I just stumbled across them at some point, and "Bam!", I was hooked.

Anyway, back to the site. It allows you to input a photo of yourself and see how you would look if you were a different age, race, or gender. I have here my own little gallery. As you can see, I make a really creepy-looking man and a fairly attractive Asian female. With the big, weepy eyes, I don't think the Manga cartoon looks too different from myself.

2005-06-07T09:58:00.000-05:00

Me as a creepy looking man.

2005-06-07T09:54:00.000-05:00

Me as a Manga cartoon.

2005-06-07T09:50:00.000-05:00

This is me if I were Asian. I think I look pretty good.

Mobile blogging

2005-06-05T19:30:00.000-05:00

I just sent this post from my cell phone. I had no idea you could do that!

Teachers, Fish and Ribs, and Parties

2005-06-05T18:25:00.000-05:00

I worked as an intern at a teacher program on campus last week. No, I was not the "cigar and navy skirt" kind of intern. Basically, I was an errand-runner for one of the facilitators at the program; making copies, setting up and tearing down for sessions, etc... I met a lot of great people, learned some new information, and got some inside info on job openings. Now I'm busily preparing cover letters and applications for a second round of job hunting. This time, I'm expanding my search to other states in the midwest.

Some of the highlights of the program:
* The Tooty-Tah (a new dance I learned)
* Several excellent speakers that had the audience in tears more than once
* Being lifted into the air by 9 other interns.
* All the interns trying to lift the college president into the air - and failing miserably.
* Food, food, and more food!!!

Yesterday, I got a new cell phone, and transferred my contract to a new company, and out of Matt's name. He is, I'm sure, happy to not have to pay my cell phone bill any longer. I got a Samsung SCH-a670, and I've been quite impressed with it so far. There aren't very many preloaded ring tones, and I can't get the voice dialing to work very well, but other than that, it's a great phone. It's got a very nice display, and picture and video capabilities.

Later on, I med Sid for some fish shopping, but we didn't have any luck. We checked out the little carnival by the mall (kind of lame) and the big bungee ride there ($50 for two riders or $30 for one - too damn expensive!), and then went to Ribfest for a little food and music. It was a nice, relaxing night, other than the fact that I left my sunroof open and got the inside of my car rained-on.

While I was at work today, my soon-to-be-married cousin came in. I chatted with her a little bit, and got a little bit sad. I am VERY happy for her, but that little selfish part of me is just so jealous! I haven't decided whether I'll go to the wedding, but I really should. I'm afraid I will end up sitting there having a personal pity party and ruin everyone else's good time. It's not so much that I want to be married, but when you put in all that time and effort into something, you feel a little let down when you can't experience the final product. I wonder how long it will be until I can hear someone talk about weddings or newlyweds without getting that awful twist in the pit of my stomach.

My Favorite Subject

2005-06-01T23:29:00.000-05:00

Those of you who know me best, know my love of books. Whether it be a colorful children's book, or a lengthy novel, I read anything and everything I can get my hands on. This is why I was so excited to be tagged for this little survey-thing by my good friend, Sidero. Here goes:

1. Total number of books I own: I went and counted the ones I have in my apartment, and I came up with 280. I also have 75 or more at my dad's house, so that would give me roughly 350 books in all.

2. The last book I bought : Today I was given a book called Classroom Instruction that Works by Marzano, Pickering, and Pollock. If that doesn't count, my college library had a book sale at the end of the spring semester and I bought Little Women by Louisa May Alcott, The Rapture of Canaan by Sheri Reynolds, Lassie Lost in the Snow, by Steve Frazee, The Misunderstood Child, by Larry B. Silver, M.D., and The Curious Learner by Simic, McClain, and Shermis.

3. The last book I read: I recently finished The Rapture of Canaan by Sheri Reynolds. It wasn't quite what I was expecting, but still a good book. I got so caught up in this book that I had a hard time putting it down. The book is about a family who started their own church, and it goes into details about all the rules they are forced to obey, and the strange consequences that take place when some members question their faith and the "church" rules.

4. Five books that mean a lot to me (in no particular order) : To me, a really good book is one that makes you think a little differently about things, or look at life from another angle. If a book doesn't hit you in the gut, making you laugh (or cry) out loud, it's not a great book. I had a hard time paring my list down to five, but I did it.

1) Verdi by Janell Cannon. This is one of my favorite children's books. A bright, clever book about a snake who tries everything to prevent becoming old and slow and green, but finds in the end that you can't change what is meant to happen. This book took on a whole new meaning to me after my breakup with Matt.

2) The Giver by Lois Lowry. We read this book as a class in junior high, and it had such an impact on me then. It really makes you think about structure of society and how we treat others.

3) Firestarter by Stephen King. This was my first King book, and was the beginning of a long love affair with anything and everything written by this amazing author.

4) Flowers in the Attic by V.C. Andrews. This was my first "grown-up" book, which I took from a box in my mom's closet. I enjoyed V.C. Andrews' books quite a bit, but am not much of a fan of the more recent books written by Andrew Neiderman under the Andrews name.

5) I Know This Much is True by Wally Lamb. I like this book because it shows how little things in the past come back to affect your future. It's strange how the people you meet and contancts you make show up again and again in your life. This book also speaks strongly to the bonds of family, whether they be good or bad.

Now, I am supposed to choose five people to answer these questions as well. I don't think I know five people who have blogs who haven't already been chosen. Jenny, Brad, and Cody, it's your turn :)

For the Health of It

2005-05-30T10:56:00.000-05:00

After recent discussions about being healthy, I decided to do some internet investigation to see how healthy I was. Rather than sticking to just BMI (Body Mass Index), I found two health calculators that take a lot of different factors into their calculation of health. If you're interested, take a look.

Healthy Body Calculator http://www.dietitian.com/ibw/ibw.html

Health Calculator (from iVillage) http://health.ivillage.com/healthcalc

Memorial Day

2005-05-30T10:25:00.000-05:00

Today is Memorial Day, a day to remember all the men and women who gave their lives to protecting our country. Thank you to all of you who enlist (or have enlisted) to serve in the military. It is your strength, bravery, and courage that keep America safe.

I am spending my Memorial Day at my dad's house. He's going to teach me to ride a unicycle. I'm sure it will take more than one day, but it should be fun. In return, I'm going to get him online. We've had a computer at my dad's house for a couple years, and he has hardly used it at all. I think he's a little nervous about it, which is understandable. He has mentioned off and on that he'd like to use it to update his 401-K, and maybe get an email address to keep in touch with family and friends.

As I said in my last post, I bought 3 new fish for my tank. One of them has died already. It was strange, because he didn't really act like he was sick or hurt, but I went to feed them one morning, and he was floating and bobbing ... not a good sign. The other two new fish are doing great (knock on wood).

New Fish!!!

2005-05-27T18:43:00.000-05:00

I went with Sid last night to buy new fish! One is white with brown stripes on the sides and speckles all over his face and fins. I named him Freckles. One is white with big brown leopard-like spots. His name is Scooby. The third is grayish-blue and a little smaller than the rest of the fish. I was worried about him at first, since a lack of size is the reason the other fish died, but he's been chasing the big fish around like he owns the tank - even the two that were already there! I named him Scrappy (like Scrappy Doo).

After picking out the fish, and a new tank hood for Sid, we went to dinner at Old Chicago. The atmosphere wasn't quite what I expected (very sports bar-ish), and the wait was a little long (about 40 minutes from the time we ordered to the time our food came), but the food was really good!

I got another whopping dose of rejection today, but in a different form than before. I was supposed meet my ESL student this afternoon and give her a test to see where to begin teaching her. She showed up with her husband and 3-year-old son, took one look at me, and decided that I couldn't teach her. Of course neither she nor her husband said that in so many words, but one of the first things they said was that she didn't want to take the test today. We then sat down and talked for a little bit. This consisted of them asking me questions about my age, teaching experience, and if there were any other teachers that did ESL classes on campus. Then they announced that she wasn't ready to have tutoring and wanted to wait until the fall semester (when I would not be teaching it).

Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but it made me mad that just by looking at me, they decided that I was too young to be a good teacher. I have been working with the ESL program for three years now; I have a degree in education; there is NO reason that I couldn't do a damn good job teaching her English.

On a lighter note, I have to say thank you to Brad and Jenny for their 12:30 AM wake-up call from North Dakota. It was great to hear from you guys again, even if it was a drunk, "I love you, man!" conversation. You guys have much more exciting lives than I do :) Next time you're in Madison, come and visit me and share some of that excitement with me!

Today's Update

2005-05-25T18:51:00.000-05:00

"And so it is, just like you said it would be.

Life goes easy on me ... most of the time."

Good news! I got a laptop and a wireless card, and I'm back online :)
My sister gave me a copy of O by Damien Rice, and I have been listening to it all the time. His voice and lyrics are soulful and soothing, and they say all the things that I'm thinking and feeling, but do a much better job. Blink 182's self-titled album was my "I'm breaking up and I'm miserable" CD, and now Damien is my "I'm single and a little sad, but I'm coping" CD. Am I the only one who uses music to describe their lives?

Work is good. I like having a job that I don't have to think about much. It gives me more time to think about other things. As I said before, I really like the people I work with. Not one of them is normal, and all of them are kind. I started work with this weird fear of eating in front of them. Instead of an actual break, you can just sit down on a stool near the wall a ways behind the sales counter. It is there that you also have your meals, if you so choose. I just felt awkward sitting there eating in front of everyone, with customers looking back at you, so I ate hardly anything at work for the first week or so. I got over that rather quickly when my stomach started growling loud enough for other people to hear.

I have decided to take this summer one day at a time. I've become so accustomed to spending all my time worrying and preparing, planning and expecting that I never had any time to enjoy the present. I plan to enjoy all of it now. I'm not going to worry about what could or might happen. If something happens (or doesn't happen), I'll deal with it at that time, and not a moment sooner.

"So pass me by.

I'll be fine.

Just give me time."

I haven't heard from any of the other schools I applied at, and I'm taking that as a good sign. I found two more openings I plan to apply for. It's a little unnerving to just sit and wait, but there's really nothing else for me to do in this department. There I go worrying again... Gotta break that habit.

And now for the million dollar question. Yes, I still miss Matt. No, I don't expect us to ever be together again. No, I'm not really looking for someone else right now. I'll let them do the looking and take the initiative if it suits them. I guess that was answers to more than one question.

"There’s still a little bit of your taste in my mouth.

There’s still a little bit of you laced with my doubt.

It’s still a little hard to say what's going on."

That's all I know for now. I'm still waitng for the dark chocolate M&M's to come out in stores. If anyone sees them, let me know. I asked my boss if she knew when we'd get them in the store, and she hadn't even heard of them. Then she told me I was the only person she knew that liked dark chocolate. She also said that she'd read somewhere that you can tell a lot about one's personality by the kind of chocolate they like, but couldn't remember what dark chocolate meant.

Rejected

2005-05-20T13:46:00.000-05:00

I got my first rejection letter in the mail today. It was a very friendly, cordial letter, stating that I didn't get the job. Wasn't even cosidered. Bummer.

One down, seven to go.

In other news, the 17th was Sid's 29th birthday. Visit his site and wish him a good one, even if it's a little late.

I'm loving the new job at the local discount liquor/convenience store. The co-workers are great, the customers are friendly, and the bosses are nice people. Plus I get free fountain pop while I'm working (SCORE!!) Maybe I'll ditch the whole teaching thing and just dedicate my life to selling gasoline, liquor, snacks, and convenience items for a living.

My fish died. I'm down to a one-eyed sucker fish and two bullying African cichlids. I understand it's in their nature to relentlessly try to beat up one another, so I can't be too mad at them.

I've never been one for posting about the news and such, but I wanted to put my 2 cents in on this one. Apparently the new Star Wars movie is a big hit and people are buying tickets like crazy and dressing up in funny costumes to go see the movie. I've never been a big Star Wars fan, and haven't seen any of the movies. It seems like guys are more into the Star Wars thing than girls are. Is it some predisposed genetic thing that makes grown men dress up in costumes and go to the movies? One good thing that has come of all this Star Wars madness is the introduction of dark chocolate M&M's!

As for the new blog, I'm still considering it. Haven't made any final decisions yet. I'll keep you posted. (Get it? Post-ed? ... Yeah, I know it was a little lame)

Let's All Go Barefoot From Now On

2005-05-16T11:36:00.000-05:00

I had to give up my tablet PC about a week ago, so the only computer access I have as of late is from a campus computer lab. I don't get to campus all that often, so my posts will be few and far between for the time being. Without immediate access to the internet, I feel very cut off from the world. There have been so many times that I want to jump online and check something (or read one of the many blogs I'm addicted to). Then I think about having to leave my apartment, drive or walk to campus, and find an open lab to do that. Since all buildings lock up at 4:30PM and aren't open on weekends, I'm more or less screwed.

I graduated from college (Hooray!). The ceremony was nice; there were a lot of speakers that I didn't really listen to. (Does anyone pay much attention to graduation speakers?) When it was my turn to walk across the stage to get my diploma, something terrible happened. I walked up the three steps and lost a shoe. I had to turn around, go back and get my shoe, and then start all over again. I felt so stupid at that moment; I wanted to just melt into the floor! When I finally walked over to the president to shake his hand, he just smiled and said, "These things happen." AAARRRRGGGHHHH!

I had a nice party with lots of family visiting. I also received several gifts which I believe to be recycled wedding gifts (hmm...) At least I got the crock pot I always wanted :)

I have worked a total of 3 days at my new job. I spent all of those three days dusting, wiping shelves, cleaning glass, and stocking shelves and coolers. I also did a lot of standing around doing nothing, which drives me crazy! I haven't been taught to run the cash register, and was given strict orders on my first day not to ring anything up until I was trained by the manager. She wants me to learn her "correct" way, and not an "incorrect" way by another employee. How hard can it be to scan a bunch of items, total them, and take a payment for them? I've worked at a gas station before; it can't be too much different. I go back on Tuesday, and hopefully can learn to run the register then.

In other big news, I'm down to 4 fish. One of them is on the verge of death. I feel bad for her, but there's not much I can do. I don't want to "bury her at sea" until she's totally dead, but I hate watching her suffer. The two biggest fish in the tank are big bullies. They nip at the fins of the littler fish until there's nothing left. They've already killed two others that way.

I am struggling with what to write here. There are a lot of things I want to vent about, but for several reasons, I feel constricted and don't want to put my thoughts up here. I think it's time to follow the lead of a few others and migrate to a new blog. Or maybe just quit blogging altogether. Who knows...

Another Really Long Post

2005-05-02T18:54:00.000-05:00

The past several days can only be explained in one word ... good.

I'll start with Saturday. I spent most of the day at work with my sister. After work, she took me to Taco John's for dinner. While we were pigging out, Toering called me and said that he, Jet, and Elrod were going to meet me for drinks. I hurried home, changed clothes, and met them uptown. (Sorry it took so long guys!)

I have to admit, I thought it might be a little weird hanging out with those three again. I consider all three to be friends, but they were always more Matt's friends than my own. I don't think I ever hung out with any of them without Matt being there. The evening turned out just fine, so I had nothing to worry about.

I spent most of the evening sipping on Amaretto & Coke's and listening to stories about the hot girls they used to hang out with, and the fun one drunk person can have with a used wrapping paper tube. I also had one of the nastiest Apple Pie shots I've ever tasted. I really appreciated those three coming up to visit me. It would have been so easy for them to just dismiss me now that I am no longer with Matt. They are all such caring, sweet guys!

Sunday, I woke up a little late (guess the drinks affected me a little more than I thought), vegged out on the couch most of the morning, and then went back to work for my LAST NIGHT OF WORK AT MY OLD JOB!!!! It was kind of sad to be leaving some of the people whom I spent the last 1+ years getting to know. I got lots of hugs and "Come back and visit!" 's. I start my new job on Wednesday, so I have the next few days to get all the loose ends tied up for school before GRADUATION this weekend :)

Because I finished up the actual teaching portion of my student teaching, I spent today observing in fourth grade and second grade classrooms. It was interesting to see the variances between the two grade levels. The second graders spent about half as much time in their seats as the fourth graders, and the level of instruction was very different, even though they are only 2 years apart. Tomorrow I will observe first grade, and then return to my third graders for a "surprise" going away party for me.

When I got home, I checked my mail and found a letter stating that my rent was cut to about 1/3 of the original amount! WOOHOO! I can pay my rent on time! And my car payment! And a crapload of other bills!

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On another note, I just got a call from 111-222-3333 on my cell phone. The actual number that showed up was 111-222-3333. What is up with that???? Is that an actual number for a person or business? I don't know, so didn't answer it.

TGIN 4-23-05 Anymore!

2005-04-25T22:53:00.000-05:00

I am happy to announce that I survived my un-wedding day! I spent most of the morning and some of the afternoon cleaning my apartment. I washed windows, scrubbed floors, cleaned the toilet and shower, dusted everything, and washed the filters over my stove and in my vacuum. It's much easier not to think bad thoughts when you are busy. Then I had some lunch, took a nap, and took a shower.

My mom and aunt dropped in unexpectedly later that evening and bought me pizza. They admired the beautiful flowers that another relative sent me the day before. We chatted and ate, and they left around eight. After that, I flipped through the channels, didn't find anything to watch, and fell asleep on the couch.

Overall, pretty uneventful. I was expecting at least a phone call from Matt, but there was nothing. I thought about calling, but I didn't. I just keep telling myself that I'm going to get through this - that I'm almost already through this - and that things can only get better. It's working so far.

I got some interesting news on Friday. My sister told me that my first serious boyfriend (the one who broke up with me after sleeping with my best friend and getting her pregnant - but I'm not bitter or angry at all ...) sent her an invitation. To their wedding. Let's just say I had a moment...

I know it's selfish of me to be angry at their happiness, and to think it unfair that they get what I lost out on, but that's how I feel. Why did the powers that be decide that they should be getting married and I should not?

Today started my last week of student teaching. I will observe in other grade level classrooms next Monday and Tuesday, and I start my new job at the local discount liquor store/gas station Wednesday at 9 AM. I will miss my students a lot. I have gotten attached to them over the past months, and it will be hard to say goodbye to them. During announcements this morning, I let them know that this was my last week, and I was surprised when I heard several students let out little sad groans. THEY LIKE ME! THEY REALLY LIKE ME!

No news from any of the schools I apply for. I'm going to wait a bit before I apply to any others since it costs 5 stinking dollars! to have my file sent to a school. If I apply to ten schools, that's fifty bucks just to get my paperwork from here to there.

TTFN

Job Fair

2005-04-20T18:29:00.000-05:00

I just got back from the job fair. I visited several booths, had some good conversations, and was even asked to sign a contract ... for a school in Arizona.

Before I got there, I had a whole agenda of who I was going to talk to and what jobs I wanted. Then I arrived and walked around a little bit, and realized that almost everyone else there had the same agenda I did, and that I didn't want to stand in line all day waiting. So I strolled around a bit and talked with those employers who weren't swamped with prospective teachers, and I really enjoyed it. Once I changed my perspective, and wasn't walking up to each table hoping to get a job now, I relaxed a little, and had more success than I would have waiting in line, trying to think of some way to set myself apart from the hundreds of other people who had gone before me.

I found one job that I am really interested in Nebraska. I brought the completed application with me, had a great chat with a principal, and left feeling semi-confident about my chances at getting the job. It would mean moving a bit farther than I had wanted, but the pay is good and the community is a nice size.

For the more local school's I'm interested in, I can just mail them my resume. It's their loss.

Guess I'll Go Eat Worms

2005-04-17T22:26:00.000-05:00

Change of plans ... pretty much everyone I have talked to has some other plans for next weekend. I guess we will try it for another time.

Good news! I got a message from the local discount liquor store/gas station asking me to schedule an interview. If all goes well, I just might have a job in town finally! Wish me luck.

I had my certification test yesterday. It was hard. It was a lot of writing. I had to scramble to get all the essay questions answered, and some of the answer I wrote were total b.s. In four weeks, I should know how well I did. Now to prepare for the next big milestone - teacher job fair.

The job fair is next Wednesday. I had originally planned to go into the fair looking only at South Dakota jobs. After looking around a little more, I am seriously considering some out-of-state jobs. It means a little more money, but being a little (or in some cases, a lot) farther away from home. I've got my resume finished, and I just need to get it printed on fancy paper. I never understood how having it on fancy paper makes it any better, but if that's what they're looking for, then that's what I'll give them.

I still talk to Matt once in a while on the phone. I miss him, but it gets easier every day. There are good days and bad days, but lately there are more good and less bad. Matt is working overnights as a dispatcher and jailer, and he says he really likes it. I'm happy he found a job he enjoys; I remember how much he hated the old job. Lately, I spend a lot of time wondering if he's looking for someone new. We have both agreed that it is over between us, and in light of what happened, there's not really any way we could be together again. It's hard to imagine either of us having a relationship with someone else. I know that day will come eventually, but until it does, I'm not going to stress about it. I will just let it happen. If either of us finds someone that can bring us a little happiness, then so be it.

It's a Date!

2005-04-13T20:35:00.000-05:00

Several friends have asked me when I was going to have a housewarming party. I hadn't really considered having one, but after all this talk, I'm thinking it might be a good idea.

Then I started thinking about dates. Hmmm.... It has to be on a weekend. It has to be pretty soon (if I wait too long, it won't be new anymore). And it has to be on a day when most of my friends don't have plans. Then it hit me. April 23rd.

My previous plans for that Saturday are cancelled. Most of you who had previous plans for that day no longer do. And I definitely don't want to spend THAT day all by myself, so why not surround myself with all of my favorite people??? It's perfect. It's a date.

Everyone is invited. If you are reading this, I'm talking to you. I'm not asking, I'm telling. If you don't know where I live, e-mail me, or leave a post here and I'll let you know the address. I'll make some munchies and have a few drinks. If you have anything in particular you want to drink, bring your own. I've got a big fridge :) If necessary, we can move to a local establishment later in the evening to eat, drink, and be merry!

I'm in a Funk, But a Good One!

2005-04-11T18:02:00.000-05:00

Things are finally starting to move in a general forward motion. I've got most of my boxes unpacked, and my new place looks pretty nice, and feels really home-ey to me (no, not the "Word, my brotha, peace-out" kind; more like the "I feel so comfy here, I think I'll call it home" kind).

That said, here are the updates.

I saw Billie, Reece, and Cody at work this weekend. I was having a crappy day (for no particular reason, just happens sometimes) and they cheered me up in no time. It's too bad I had to work and they got to go have fun, but maybe next time they'll take me with them :)

I have apps filled out for part time and summer work, but haven't gotten around to dropping them off. I still need one more reference, but not sure who to put. Why do I keep putting this off????

As for school, I'm still hard at it. I'm trying to get all my credential file/teacher application/job fair stuff in order, but I am making progress. I am so proud of myself for not waiting until the night before to do all of this. I even printed out some applications for the schools I'm interested in. That way I can sashay my cute butt in there and hand them my resume, and when they try to hand me an application, I can just say. "Oh, yes. I have one right here, and it's all filled out and ready to go. So hire me, bitches!" And of course they will :)

Update

2005-04-07T18:03:00.000-05:00

Happy Late Birthday Brad!!!!!!

I'm playing catch-up this week, trying to get my credential file in order, get everything unpacked and put away at home, plan my lessons for next week, and study for the big exam later this month.

The weather was gorgeous today. I can't wait to get home and open all the windows. Well, almost all the windows. Last time I opened the blinds in the living room, one of them crashed down on top of me. I called my landlord and told him what happened, and he said that the blinds were something left by a past tenant. In other words, if I wanted a new one, it was going to have to come out of my pocket. So I called my mom and asked her what she thought I should do. She came over with the greatest tool ever invented ... duct tape.

We taped the crap out of the blind and stuck it back on the wall. It is in place now, but I don't dare try to open (or touch, for that matter) that particular blind. Luckily there's another window in the living room that I can open ... that is until this blind takes a puke on me too.

While my mom was there, she noticed the bareness of my walls, and was not pleased. She proceeded to help me find all my wall-hanging-objects and did lots of decorating. There were several items that I had that I didn't want hung, and she was kind enough to keep them off the walls. She also called my grandma, who brought over some curtains. Now my apartment looks quite homey, but it's not all exactly my tastes. It will do for now, because I'm too broke to be buying all kinds of decoration-ey stuff.

In other big news - my mom bought me an antenna box thing, and now I have 5 channels! And they're not fuzzy or static-ey! Life is good :)

I'm Moved!!!

2005-04-05T21:28:00.000-05:00

You heard it right, folks. After all the stress and drama and back-and-forth with the rent assistance people, I have a place to live. My wonderful family (who did most of the cleaning and moving, bless their hearts!) and I got everything out of the old place, got it all spiffed up, and put everything into the new place. And the best part????

The Fish are ALL Still ALIVE!!!

I would post pictures, but I haven't found the box I packed my camera in just yet. I forgot how much crap I really had until I had to put everything I own into boxes, tubs, and bags. It took 2 full-sized pick-up trucks, two full cars, and then some to get everything I own into the new apartment.

I have been without internet since last week Friday, and I feel so starved. As soon as I got to the campus library, I logged on and was in heaven. I came here to get some school work done and to get going on my teacher application stuff, and I told myself that I would finish all of that before checking websites, chatting on MSN, and just enjoying the connectedness of the World Wide Web.

Of course, I failed miserably. I have checked every blog site I can think of, have played games online, chatted up a storm, and still have a pile of work to do. I DID make some progress, though, and hope to get all this stuff done soon.

UPDATES:
Student teaching is going great, and I have had 2 good reviews in the last week. One from my college supervisor, and the other from my cooperating teacher. I was worried they would rake me over the coals for the little nitpicky things I think I do wrong. (Don't shout over the students, get the papers corrected ASAP, call on every student equally, plan exactly what to say during the lesson, don't forget to say the pledge in the morning ...)

Matt and I are still on friendly terms (despite, or maybe because of, his move to a town much farther away).

The teacher job fair is coming up soon.

I got fooled on April Fool's Day a couple of times (darn those nine-year-olds and their wickedly-clever little minds).

Life is getting better.

I'm in a double job hunt (teaching job and summer job). With the outrageous gas prices, I can't afford to drive to my current job every day. I will miss it, mostly because of the fun people I work with.

And don't forget ... the fish are ALL still ALIVE!!!

Packing and Baking

2005-03-28T18:07:00.000-06:00

The 4-day Easter weekend went ok. I spent most of it working, packing, and cleaning. I still don't have a place to live. I stopped in last Thursday, they told me to come back Friday. I called Friday, they told me to call again Monday morning. I called Monday morning, they told me to call again after 2 PM. I called at 3:30, they told me I need to fill out a different form (different program for the building I want to live in). Why in the world didn't they tell me this Thursday???? Anyway, I hauled ass to get there before 5, fill out the form, and they said to come back Wednesday. I really hope they have things in line for me on Wednesday, or this girl is gonna be pissed. As you know, Wednesday is the 30th! April 1st (they day I need to be out of the apartment) is Friday. Am I going to be the April Fool this year? Only time will tell.

If I knew it was going to be this much trouble to get rental assistance, I would have skipped it. Of course, I probably would have ended up staying with my mom, which would not be good. Don't get me wrong; I love my mom. But I know that spending that much time together in an enclosed space could lead to chaos.

Tomorrow evening, I'm going to have dinner with Matt. He's making dinner; I'm bringing dessert. I have no idea what to bring just yet, but I'll think of something. It can't be chocolate, since Matt hates chocolate. Maybe I'll make cookies or something. Any suggestions?

Matt and I are trying out the "friends" thing, to see how it fits for us. Is this the right thing to do? I have no idea. I don't know if any of the decisions I have made so far are the right ones, but if I spend all my time worrying about what to do, I will never make any decisions, and I will never move forward. And I definitely don't want to be stuck where I am now.

A friend gave me some good advice. He said that you can never know what the future holds, but hoping for things to get better, and expecting things to get better is the only way to get through the day. So that's what I'm doing. I'm taking things one day at a time, and trying my hardest to have faith that tomorrow will be better than today. It's worked pretty well so far :)

Almost Forgot

2005-03-24T22:11:00.000-06:00

My friend Jet wanted me to point out that it was not him, but another Joe that left the not-so-nice comments on my site. Apparently he was taking a little flack for being such a meanie.

Thank you, Jet, for being such a good friend, and thank you to those who were looking out for me and gave him such a hard time.

Transition

2005-03-24T20:25:00.000-06:00

I am not happy with my life right now. I've reached this point where I'm not anywhere. I'm just kind of twiddling my thumbs, waiting for my "old" life to pass and my "new" life to hurry up and get here. I still don't have a place to live (I'm waiting on a response from the rental assistance office in Madison), I'm contemplating changing jobs, and I graduate from college in 2 months. I know I'm going to encounter some major changes in the next few months, and I'm not looking forward to that. Those of you who know me know that I don't handle change well. I just want all of this to be done so I can move on.

Matt and I have had some serious conversations over the past several days. There have been some angry moments, some tears, and even a few smiles. We have decided that any possibility of the two of us having a romantic relationship is gone. I would like to continue in some sort of a friendship (mostly because I'm not ready to let go of him just yet - I hate change, remember?), and I think that we can do that. So if you see Matt and I together somewhere, just treat us like a couple of friends - a couple of single friends.

I know I have said this a million times - and I'm sure that EVERYONE is probably sick of hearing me complain, but this is really, really, really hard for me. I don't like being alone or single or any of that stuff that goes with it. Matt keeps telling me that I'll find someone new, but how do I know there is any single man out there that would look at me and say to himself, "I like that girl. I think I'll ask her out." Before Matt, I spent years being single. I have single friends who haven't had a serious relationship in ages. How can anyone guarantee love? As they say, when it comes to matters of the heart, nothing is ever certain.

Switching gears...

I love student teaching. I am gaining more control of the classroom as I take on a new subject each week. The students are seeing me as a teacher and responding to me as my students, and I love it. I like standing in front of the group with all those eyes on me, all those ears listening to my every word. I like walking around the room, answering students' questions and guiding them through difficult tasks. I like hearing them call out, "Good night, Miss Brandi!" as they run out the door at the end of the day. I don't like scolding the students for misbehavior, although I know it needs to be done. I don't like all the papers I have to correct every day. I don't like those frustrating moments when I've said everything I can say on a subject and there are still some students who don't get it. Overall, it has been a great experience. I feel more and more confident in my abilities as a classroom educator. I am very excited to get my own classroom and plan my own curriculum!

I've got a four day weekend ahead of me. I wasted most of tonight playing Bubble Bees and watching TV. I should have been packing boxes, filling out papers for my credential file, studying for my exit exams next month, and planning my lessons for next week. Since I was so lazy today, I suppose I'd better crack down and get some of the rest of this stuff done over the next few days.

Breakdown

2005-03-19T22:58:00.000-06:00

I started crying today. At work. In the men's department. I had just started my shift, and there really wasn't anything wrong (other than the obvious). I was folding jeans and I just started crying.

I switched shifts with my sister so that I'd have time to go look at apartments today. It went pretty well this morning. I found a few good prospects, but haven't made any final decisions. When I got to work, I thanked her for switching with me, and she made some casual joke about having to change shifts. I knew it was just a joke, so I don't understand why it made me so upset. I just turned and walked back to my department and tried to calm down. I started folding some jeans, and I cried. I felt so stupid for getting upset over nothing, and I didn't want my sister to think it was her fault, so I went into the ladies room. I locked myself in a stall and bawled.

I don't know if all the recent stress got to me, or if everything is starting to sink in, or what's going on. I stood in the stall for a good 10 minutes with tears streaming down my face, just letting everything out. I'm sure people walking in and out wondered what the heck was going on. After I calmed down a little, I listened and waited for everyone to leave before walking out myself.

I hate that I can get so upset in front of people. I don't like people to see me cry, whether or not there is a reason for it. It just makes me look sad and weak. I don't understand how Matt can be handling this so well. I mean, we are taking the past 3 years we spent together and just letting them go like they mean nothing. To me, it seems like he doesn't even care. If anything, he's in a better mood than before. I just don't get it. Does he care? Is he happy that we aren't getting married? Did he/does he love me at all? I struggle every day, trying to find some logical reasoning I can grasp on to, and he just breezes through as if it's just another day.

I realize that he's a guy, and most guys don't show emotion very well, but there's a difference between showing little to no emotion and being cheerful. Maybe I'm being to judgemental. With as hard as this whole ordeal has been on me, I can't imagine how it could not affect him in a negative way.

All of this shit is just frustrating. I don't want things to change. I want things to be back the way they were. I know they never can, and that makes me even more mad. I had my whole life planned out, and Matt was a major factor in that. Without him, I have to rewrite the whole thing. I have to rewrite it alone. I don't want to do that. I don't like being single and alone. I am so pissed off at Matt for what he did to me and what he did to my family.

I don't like facing friends and family who don't know what happened and ask how the wedding planning is going. I don't like facing the ones who do know and look into their pitying eyes as they ask how I'm doing and if there is anything they can do. How do you answer those questions?

How am I doing? I'm doing really shitty, that's how I'm doing. I am sad and angry and don't want to talk about it.

Is there anything you can do to help? Yes, you can invent a time machine, reverse the clock back 2 weeks and change the past. Let me know how you're doing with that request, why dontcha.

People tell me that all of this happened for a reason, and that things will get better, and that I'll find someone else. How do they know all of this is true. What kind of reason could there be for all of this? How do you know that things will get better. I realize they can't get much worse, but I'm not seeing any sort of uphill climb just yet. And as of right now, I don't want someone else. I'm still stuck in the past, wanting what I had last month.

I apologize for writing all this sad gloomy stuff. I just need to get it all out there and not let it sit and fester in my brain. Maybe that's part of the reason I got so upset today. I just let all these thoughts roll around in my head until there's no room for thoughts of anything but this. I guess all I can do is trust that things will get better. At least I can try.

The Apartment Hunt Continues

2005-03-19T08:56:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I woke up ready to find an apartment. I took a shower, got all my stuff in order, and then I looked out the window.

I hate snow. It had been snowing all night, and was still snowing that morning. It snowed most of the day yesterday. Without a shovel, I didn't know when I would get out. I REALLY hate snow!

After sulking for a while, I decided to make it a productive day anyway. I cleaned the living room behind the couch top to bottom, and started stacking packed boxes there. I emptied everything from the main bedroom (including the heavy, cumbersome mattress and box spring), and plan to get that room spiffed up this weekend. The rest of the apartment is in disarray right now, but I'm not going to worry about it too much.

The snow is still there today, but it's not falling anymore. The landlord came and plowed the driveways last night, the highways have been plowed, and TODAY, I'm going to find a new apartment.

It had better not start snowing again....

On another note, we had a death in the family yesterday. Alice, my littlest fish, kicked the bucket. I think she ate Filbert's (the algae eater) eye and got sick. Filbert seems to be doing okay with just the one eye. The light used to really bother him when I'd turn it on to feed the fish. Now, he just faces his little pink socket toward the light and goes about his business.

I Don't Feel Like Writing a Title Today

2005-03-17T18:17:00.000-06:00

Well, I am still here and still surviving. It's still hard, but it gets easier every day. Matt and I are on a friendly level, so that helps a lot. I go to school every morning, and usually get home around 7. I make myself dinner, watch some TV, and go to bed. That's the hardest time for me ... laying all by myself in the dark with no warm body to snuggle up against. I wish there were some way that I could sleep in the same bed with Matt again, but I know that would just screw things up even more.

Tomorrow I begin my apartment hunt. I have found 4-5 placed to look at, and since there's no school, I can spend the day checking them out and packing more boxes. Even with all the stuff that's already gone, I have a LOT of crap to pack.

Today I spoke at the Women's Day conference about my trip to China. After some technical difficulties and some time delays, my time was cut pretty short. Instead of delivering my fancy, well-thought-out speech, I just quickly mumbled my way through some slides and pictures, my face blushing fiery red the entire time. The ladies seemed to enjoy it. I will have to ask Jenn what her take on the whole thing was.

Happy Irish-person Day!!! Who wants to share their green beer?

And congrats to Megan and Jenny on their election!

One Day at a Time

2005-03-11T23:46:00.000-06:00

I think I'm past phase 1 of the breakup - "the crying-at-every-mention-of-him-or-the-breakup" phase. Now I'm moving to the "don't-mention-the-breakup,-just-pretend-everything-is-normal" phase. I don't want to talk about what happened. I don't want to hear anyone else's opinion on what happened. I just want to pretend that everything is normal, and this is just another ordinary day. I don't know if this is the right thing to do (but I've been making a lot of decisions without knowing for sure if I'm right), but I'm following my gut. Thanks to everyone who has been there for me during the rough spots the past few days. I don't know if I could have gotten through it all without you!!!!!!!

Today I bought a toaster. I had a craving for toast this afternoon, but when I went into the kitchen, I realized that I had no toaster. That's has kind of been the theme of the day. I look for something that is usually here, and get a sharp (an somewhat painful) reminder that it's not here anymore.

I got my annual work review today. It went well. I got a good score (and a higher one than my sister, lol). I might pick up some extra hours on Wednesday at an optional training session. We'll see how busy school is.

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One more thing that I must say before I go to bed. If you are going to say anything, be sure it is the truth. If you do decide to say something, and it's not the truth, I will make sure the truth is known.

Nighty-night :)

The Winds of Change

2005-03-09T11:50:00.000-06:00

If you haven't heard, Matt and I are breaking up. He is moving his things out of the apartment today. I will stay until the end of the month, or until I find someplace else to live. I don't want to get into the details. I am feeling drained, and have the worst headache of my life. I am having a hard time grasping all that has happened in the past several days. I just can't imagine my life any other way that the way it was.

Right now, I'm looking around at piles of crap scattered around the apartment. We went through the difficult process of deciding who gets what this morning. We will finish when he returns. I hope life can get better, because it sure can't get much worse.

Finished!

2005-02-25T17:30:00.000-06:00

I finished Song of Susannah last week. It was everything I expected and more. It answered lots of questions, and gave some good explanations. To my surprise, the book spans a day or two, but is as long as any of the previous ones in the series. That's all I can say for now; don't want to give anything away.... Toering, you can borrow it now :)

Drinks All Around

2005-02-25T00:04:00.000-06:00

In honor of my sister's fast-approaching 21st birthday, I took this quiz, and found out ...

?? Which Alcoholic Drink Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

My "little" sister is turning 21 next Sunday, the 6th. To celebrate, we're going to karaoke at Tuezday's on Saturday to get her all liquored up at midnight. If you don't have plans, come buy her a drink and sing a song or two with me. If you do have plans, cancel them and come anyway!

Trying Something New

2005-02-24T23:01:00.000-06:00

I'm playing with my template a bit. I've found a couple I like, but I don't know enough about HTML and other code stuff to make the changes I want. So, if you wander over and things look a little strange, bear with me.

Updates:

School
I will be finished with special education on Monday, and begin student teaching in the third grade next Tuesday. I have enjoyed working in the special ed. room, but I can tell that it has colored my views of education. When all you see are the students who struggle and perform below "average," you start to see students in general in this light. Spending some time in the third grade classroom will give me a better view of students in all ability ranges.

Wedding
Last weekend, I got a ton of stuff done.
Shoes - check
Hair & accessories - check
Invitations - check
Dress fitting - check
Flower girl dress & basket - check
Cake - check
Flowers - in progress
Reception food - in progress
**Note** Boys who need tuxes - get to Carrows to be fitted ASAP.

That's all I've got for now.

Jumping on the Bandwagon

2005-02-24T20:58:00.000-06:00

I've seen this on several blogs recently, including Led's site, so I thought I'd give it a shot.

The bolded items are ones I've never done.

I’ve Never Kissed A Member Of The Opposite Gender
I’ve Never Kissed A Member Of The Same Gender
I’ve Never Crashed A Friend’s Car
I’ve Never Been To Japan
I've Never Been to China - why yes, yes I have!!!
I’ve Never Been In A Taxi
I’ve Never Been In Love
I’ve Never Had Sex In a Public Place
I’ve Never Been Dumped
I’ve Never Done Cocaine
I’ve Never Shoplifted
I’ve Never Been Fired
I’ve Never Been In A Fist Fight - I punched a girl my freshman year of high school ... does that count?
I’ve Never Had Group Intercourse
I’ve Never Snuck Out Of My Parent’s House
I’ve Never Been Tied Up
I’ve Never Regretted Having Sex With Someone
I’ve Never Been Arrested
I’ve Never Stolen Something From My Job
I’ve Never Celebrated New Years In Time Square
I’ve Never Gone On A Blind Date
I’ve Never Lied To A Friend
I’ve Never Had A Crush On A Teacher or Professor (thinking he's cute doesn't count)
I’ve Never Celebrated Mardi Gras In New Orleans
I’ve Never Been To Europe
I’ve Never Skipped School
I’ve Never Slept With A Co-Worker
I’ve Never Cut Myself On Purpose (carved a b/f''s name in my foot ... I was young and dumb)
I’ve Never Had Sex At The Office (or at work at all, for that matter)
I’ve Never Been Married - give me a couple months
I’ve Never Been Divorced
I’ve Never Had Sex With More Than One Person Within The Same Week
I’ve Never Posed Nude
I’ve Never Gotten Someone Drunk Just To Have Sex With Them
I’ve Never Killed Anyone
I’ve Never Received Scars From My Sex Partner
I’ve Never Thrown Up In A Bar
I've Never Taken a Hallucinogenic Drug
I’ve Never Purposely Set A Part Of Myself On Fire
I’ve Never Eaten Sushi - I think I'm starting to sound a little boring.
I’ve Never Been Snowboarding
I’ve Never Had Sex In A Dressing Room
I’ve Never Flashed Anyone

The End

Valentine's Day 2005

2005-02-14T20:45:00.000-06:00

This Valentine's Day was a good one. I brought treats for my students, and got lots of valentines from my students (many with a variety of misspellings - and one that said "To: helper").

After school, I drove home to spend a nice, quiet evening with Matt. We had planned to have dinner together, bake cookies, and go to bed early (I know, we are so wild in our old age, lol!). When I got home, Matt wanted to start supper at 5:30; not sooner, not later. I didn't think anything of it at the time. While we were cooking, he mentioned that my cousin might stop by for some help with her Social Studies homework. I thought this was a little strange, since I knew she had a game tonight, but didn't think much of it. After we sat down, the doorbell rang. Thinking it was my cousin, I went to the door and answered it. I was greeted with a large, red, cuddly bear holding three beautiful roses, and a woman asking, "Are you Brandi?" I said I was and thanked her for the valentine. ** pictures below **

I came back to the table with a big grin and showed Matt what he got me (he called in and ordered it a week before). I had no idea he was planning anything, and was even bugging him to try to be a little romantic today. Boy was I surprised! He planned for the bear and flowers to be delivered around 6 (which is why he wanted to start cooking at 5:30, and eating at 6), and planned for me to go to the door (which is why he told me my cousin would be stopping by - had I not known who it was, I would've made Matt answer the door). What a sweetheart! I guess I'll keep him ;)

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!!!! Hope it's a good one.

2005-02-14T20:34:00.000-06:00

Matt's well-planned surprise is a success.

2005-02-14T20:33:00.000-06:00

Happy Valentine's Day to me :D

Mean People Suck Part 2

2005-02-09T21:32:00.000-06:00

I have another person to add to my "Mean People" list. I don't like to say this, but the person to whom I refer is a teacher. I know I'm probably jeopardizing myself by saying this on a public weblog, but I feel it has to be said. I have not spent a large amount of time in this teacher's room, so I cannot comment on her specific teaching styles. I can only comment on what I am told by my students and by other teachers. In my mind, there is NO EXCUSE for this kind of behavior.

There is a general education teacher that purposely excludes students from "fun" activities in the classroom because they spend time in the special education room. I'm not talking specifically about events that take place in the gen. ed. classroom while these students are in the special education classroom. If this was the case, I would be a little more understanding. No, this teacher makes these students sit out while the rest of her class performs a play for other classes. When a group of nurses visited the room to talk about emergencies with groups of students, several of this teacher's students told me their teacher said they couldn't go to this because they had too much homework to do. When the class did a writing activity with the mobile computer lab, these same students were not allowed to participate, and instead, they sat in the classroom alone doing schoolwork. Why would she do this?

Because this MEAN lady only likes to teach the smart students, the ones who get the information the first time, the kids who know their stuff and more. She caters to the smart ones and leaves the strugglers to struggle alone. I realize it is difficult to alter your classroom routine and lessons to accommodate such students, but it is the LAW. The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act states that ALL STUDENTS DESERVE A FREE AND APPROPRIATE EDUCATION. This means EVERY STUDENT in your classroom should be given the OPPORTUNITY to LEARN and FEEL SUCCESS. If any or all of your students are not learning, it is YOUR FAULT for NOT TEACHING THEM THE WAY YOU SHOULD.

In this day in age, it is well-known that there are a variety of learning styles, and to reach ALL of your students; you need to teach using a variety of methods. If you don't, you WILL have students who do not understand the material, and you WILL have students who fall farther and farther behind, and you will have NO ONE to blame but yourself.

From Bee Larva to Making Babies

2005-02-08T22:35:00.000-06:00

I had the strangest dream last night. I went to a bar. It was unlike any bar I've ever been to. The interior was mostly a metallic-gray, and behind the actual bar was a wall of beehives. The bartender gave me 2 shots (I don't think I paid for them, although someone may have bought them for me - I can't remember). Each shot contained 10 bee larva. I took them both and believed I had a buzz. I walked around the metallic gray bar and watched everything blur and swirl in front of me. I don't think I talked to anyone. My stomach started to feel kind of queasy, and then I woke up.

The weird part is that even after I woke up, my stomach still felt really topsy-turvy. Which leads me to one question - what, if anything, did I ingest while I was sleeping that made me feel sick when I woke up?
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On another note, Matt and I had our last premarital class tonight. The two topics of discussion - goals for the future and sex. The goals part was really helpful. We discussed a budget (homework from last class), and other individual and couple goals. Then we dove into the second topic. I spent most of the time staring at the bulletin boards on the wall and at the papers in front of me. I had a really hard time actually looking at the pastor while he explained his and the church's views on S-E-X. Needless to say, no one asked any questions or made any comments during this part of the discussion.

I had originally written a summary of what the discussion entailed, but decided against that. If you are curious on what the pastor had to say on the subject, drop me a line and I will let you know.

Freedom of Speech

2005-02-08T06:28:00.000-06:00

Brad, I'm beginning to understand why you changed your blog so many times. When you find out you have readers that you didn't expect to have, it can feel a little constricting. I feel like I now have to be a little more careful of what I say. Anyone else have that problem? Even though, I like this address, so I'm not budging. If you don't like what I say, tough.

I didn't watch much of the Superbowl, so I can't comment on that. There were some good commercials, though :) I spent most of the night making wedding invitations. Speaking of which...

Wedding Update
I started making the wedding invitations, and have plans in place for making favors, pew bows, and table decorations. Have a meeting set with florist and cake decorator. Still need to buy a bra and shoes before I can have my dress fitted. Tux rentals are just about final (dickering for a lower price); those of you who need this info will get it ASAP.

I went to conferences last night and one evening last week. It was a little strange, since it was with my regular ed. teacher, and I haven't had any time in her classroom yet, but the parents were ok with me sitting in on their conferences. I will start in the regular ed. classroom in about a month. My favorite thing about conferences was the food. There were all kinds of goodies in the teacher's lounge both days!

The special ed. teacher I've been working under has been gone since last week Thursday. My schedule hasn't changed any, but there has been a substitute teacher in her place over this time. I feel bad for the sub. because I have taken over most of the teacher's students, so the sub is left with 1-2 students. She has spent the last three days making copies, decorating bulletin boards, and clipping soup labels. But if you can get paid well for little odd jobs such as those, why complain?

Yer-bugger!

2005-02-03T22:13:00.000-06:00

I finished Wolves of the Calla from the Dark Tower series, and all I can say is ... wow! I sat down when I got home from school, dived in, and finished it up around 8:30 tonight. I just got so caught up in what was happening in the book that I barely noticed the amount of time that had gone by.

The whole story centers around Roland and his clan of gunslingers pausing on their journey toward the Dark Tower to help out the good people of Calla Bryn Sturgis. It seems that every 23 years or so, a group of scary people dressed as wolves ride into town on horses and steal half of the town's twinned children (in the Calla, almost everyone has twins), and sends them back "roont." They hear that the gunslingers are in the area and ask them for help. Most of the townspeople are grateful for the newcomers in their town, while others take some convincing. After several days of talking, dancing, and gathering information, a plan is formed, and the book continues on...

If you haven't read it, or are in the process, I won't ruin the ending for you. Alongside this main plot are several subplots based around several different characters that I won't even bother going into for fear of leaving one out.

I think all this action is what draws me in so much. It makes it feel real to me, because in real life there is rarely only one thing going on that takes up all of your attention. No matter how focused one may be on a task, crisis, etc..., there are always other things to be thinking about. I also like the way that the city is established in the book, with its unique little sayings ("Do ya ken?" "Yer-bugger" ), songs (the Commala), and customs (carrying a feather around to announce a town meeting). Some people I've talked to find this difficult to get into, because it can be so different from what we're used to.

My biggest trouble is in trying to wrap my mind around the concept of other worlds and their doors & relationships, not to mention the whole idea of the Beam. And I hardly know how a rose in a vacant lot can be the hub of all of this, especiall when there was a building in that exact same spot long before the story began. I can only hope that more of this is explained in the last two books. The big paperback of the last book comes out in July, and I can't wait. I'm diving into #6 tomorrow. Say thankya.

I (Heart) You

2005-02-03T21:41:00.000-06:00

I have recently come across a game that leaves me in stitches every time I play. It doesn't have a name, and I don't know if anyone's ever played it before, but it's my new favorite ... if Matt lets me play.

The object of the game is to lauch a candy heart from your mouth into your partner's mouth using as much force as you can muster. Your partner must not flinch or close his mouth, but be brave and face the possibility of getting beaned in the nose or losing a tooth. I prefer the close-range version of this game - sitting about 4-6 inches from the receiver.

I know this is a little strange, and for some, it may be "TMI," but it makes me laugh so hard that tears squirt from the corners of my eyes and I can hardly catch my breath. To me, the best part of this game is the look on Matt's face when he hears me draw a deep breath and get ready to fire. He tries so hard to keep his face firm and his mouth open, but at the same time, he is wincing and cringing like it's a bullet, not a tasty Valentine treat, headed for his face. That and the fact that I have really crappy aim. I wish I could take a picture of his face the second before I shoot, but I don't think Matt would go for it. He wouldn't even let me put a small clip of his cute voicemail on my blog.

In other news, I had my midpoint evaluation of my student teaching in a special education room. I passed with flying colors! Hooray for me!

Virus Alert?

2005-01-30T21:48:00.000-06:00

I have recently received the exact same e-mail from 4 or 5 of my friends, asking me to click on a link to update my address in their address books. I am not sure if this is real or some sort of virus jumping around, so I'm not clicking the link in any of them. If this is for real, and you want my address info, e-mail me for real or post the request here. Just trying to be safe.

Copy of the e-mail message below:

Hi
I am updating my address book and it would be very helpful if you could click on the link below and enter your contact details for me:

http:// www.bebo.com/fr2/659781a8137184b15004461c767860602d20

I am using a service that keeps contact details current, just update your own contact details and then the changes appear in selected friends address books. When I update my contact details you will see them in your address book.
Thank you for helping.
(insert name here)

Speaking of e-mail, I recently received an e-mail from a person I haven't spoken to in ages, for a variety of reasons. It was kind of strange to get this e-mail out of the blue, and considering the circumstances that stood the last time we were on speaking terms, I doubt I will respond. It does make me wonder what and where this person has been up to. Apparently he has contacted others in my social circle via e-mail as well. Maybe he's just lonely... If it were up to me, he could just go ahead and stay lonely.

I realize that wasn't a very nice thing to say, and a very un-Brandilike comment. If you know the person to whom I am referring, you would more than likely understand and commend me for being so nice. That said, I'm going to bed.

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One more thing. I saw Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events with Bill this weekend, and I thought it was AWESOME! Jim Carey did an excellent job playing the villain, and the baby/monkey was so cute! I haven't read any of the books, but since I heard it doesn't follow the events in order of the series, I probably won't read them now.

Woo-hoo!

2005-01-28T19:53:00.000-06:00

I am no longer a lonely loser on a Friday night. I'm going to a movie :D

Thanks Bill!!!

Lonely

2005-01-28T18:43:00.000-06:00

I had a mildly stressful day.

It began with a student who did NOT want to do any work today, and a student who looked me in the eye, told me he forgot his homework at home (and of course it was finished), and then appeared stunned when I opened his desk and pulled out the unfinished homework paper. Instead of leaving at 3:30 like the rest of the school staff, my teacher and I got to stay until 5:30 PM disinfecting the classroom. She thought there were too many germy students and wanted to cut down the chances of spreading diseases. At 4PM on a Friday afternoon. When no students are present. When she and I are virtually the only ones left in the building. ...

On my way home, I turned on my phone to call Matt to see if he was home and catch up on what he'd been up to the last few days. With our conflicting schedules, I haven't actually seen him since Tuesday night. Instead, I was greeted with a cute voicemail letting me know that he'd be in Canby until tomorrow evening. Which means I'm going to have to wait another whole day until I see him. Which isn't a big deal, but it's a tad lonely when the only living things you've had at home to speak with for the last three days are fish. Sure, Goldie is chatty, but most of the stuff she says is just hot air. Well room-temperature air, really.

So now I'm sitting at home. All alone. *pitiful sigh* So if you're home and want some company, I know a lonely lady at home with nothing to do do on a Friday night. *equally pitifully sigh*

** Side Note** I used to have a link with part of Matt's cute voicemail to me in this post, but Matt didn't like it and asked me to remove it. So if you didn't get to hear it, you are out of luck.

Mean People Suck

2005-01-24T01:26:00.000-06:00

I have been recently inundated by a large number of mean people. Not that most of these haven't been around in the past; I just haven't noticed them at much.

A person at the store I work at has recently been overly nasty to me, and I'm not sure why. He snaps at me for pointless little things, and when I try to make random friendly comments to him as I pass him in an aisle, he just sticks his nose in the air and pretends I'm not even there. Why does he have such an attitude towards me? He's always been a little crochety, and his sarcastic humor has never impressed me, but this out-and-out meanness is uncalled for.

Second on my list is a professor at my college who thinks I'm a bad teacher. She hasn't said those exact words, but can always find more negatives than positives in the lessons I teach. Just because my teaching methods and styles are different from hers doesn't make them wrong. I believe there are many different ways to teach, and as long as your students are learning and having fun (yes, I said having fun; I believe learning should be fun!), then you're doing your job, and you're doing it well.

Now that I've said my piece, I want to commend all the nice people for making this world a little more bearable. Thank you to all my customers who say "Thank you" and mean it. Thank you to my cooperating teacher for being so understanding and helpful. Thank you to the little girl who picked up my dropped mitten and ran after me to give it back. Thank you Stephen King for writing such enthralling books that help me forget about my own life and focusing on the lives of his ka-tet. Last, but not least, thank you to anyone with the guts to stand up to the mean people of the world and calling them on their unnecessary unniceness. You're stronger than me.

It's Been a While...

2005-01-19T21:15:00.000-06:00

Yeah, yeah, it's been a long time since I've posted. Well, as the old routine goes, I'm getting more and more busy with stuff, so I'll be posting more :)

Here's what's been going on.

Thursday, Matt and I went to the prison to have church with the inmates. Our group consisted of 13 people. Matt and I were the youngest people there, followed by a guy in his 30's and our pastor. The rest of the visitors were all in their 50's or 60's (some maybe even older). It was a little intimidating, but not nearly as scary as I expected. The prison smelled just like a hospital, we didn't get searched or go through a metal detector, and our group split up and sat among the inmates. Both during and after the service, I shook hands with almost every one who attended the service, and all the inmates seemed grateful for our presence there. Their pastor was great, and he went out to dinner with us afterward and told us more about the prison and their chapel.

Last night, Matt and I went to our first premarital class. There were 7 other couples there. The pastor said we wouldn't be talking about personal stuff in front of the group, just as a couple. That made me feel a lot better - I was not looking forward to sharing stuff like that with a bunch of strangers. We talked about communication and how to be assertive when you need something. We also split into couples and talked about things we want the other person to do more.

Student teaching is going well so far. I've got 3 of my own students that I plan lessons for and work with throughout the day. I have each student one-on-one, and I teach a variety of skills based on the students' needs. I'm also helping to write IEP's (Individualized Education Programs) for 2 students. The workload is starting to build, but I'm keeping up so far.

One thing I have noticed a lot is a major lack in parent participation. This seems to be a big problem for students in the special education program here. Some of the parents have flat out said that they will not/can not help their students with homework or to study for tests. We're not talking about difficult work here; these students are 5th grade or younger, and being in a special ed. program, have homework that is below their grade level.

Maybe I'm a little biased from listening to only the teacher's points of view, but it still makes me angry that these students are struggling to keep up in their classes because their mom's and dad's don't/can't take 30 minutes out of their evenings to quiz their children on spelling words or check to see if they've done their homework (or even look in their children's bags to see if they have homework). Instead, these kids get sent to the resource room to do their homework, to practice their spelling words, and to get the extra attention they deserve.

I realize that some of these parents are single and working a lot of hours to make ends meet, and have lots of children to look after. I realize some parents are worried about feeding and clothing their children, getting all the bills paid, and don't see homework as a priority. How they could fit time in for their children, I don't know. I wish I had all the answers.

Tips and News

2005-01-12T18:33:00.000-06:00

There are lots of perks when it comes to being one of the "adults" at school. Roaming the halls without getting in trouble, having a captive audience who listen to everything you say, and of course, the teacher's lounge.

The place that was once forbidden to me is now my greatest haven. There are tons of great snacks and treats (most of which are not healthy), hot coffee and cold water, and there's always someone there to share gossip or just talk. And even though it's in the lowest part of the building, it's always just a little bit warmer than the rest of the chilly school. Over the past several days, I have listened and learned a lot from my time in the teacher's lounge. So here I offer you

Brandi's Tips from the Teacher's Lounge

1. Adding a little milk to Campbell's Tomato Soup makes it taste a whole lot better.
2. If you ever have a problem and need support/advice, tell everyone in the lounge. You'll get 5 different responses, and then you can pick the one you like best.
3. If you scrunch together, you can fit a LOT of people around a small round table.
4. You can't eat red Jell-o the day before a colonoscopy (but orange is ok).
5. 3 halves is less that a whole when it comes to chocolate brownies and you're on a diet.

I am really enjoying student teaching so far. My teacher is great, the other teachers are really nice, my students are challenging but overall well-behaved, and the school lunch isn't all that bad. Despite this, I feel a little guilty.

I cut back to working only weekends, leaving Matt and I with half of my former paycheck. While I'm working less, Matt is working more. I feel bad that he busts his ass to take care of us. If push comes to shove, I can pick up some extra hours finishing up my computer training.

News:
Tomorrow evening, Matt and I are going to the prison chapel to have church with the inmates. I'm a little nervous, but looking forward to going.

I'm going to pick up my dress (again) Monday, and have my first fitting. Yay! There are only a few months before the big day. (April 23rd, for any of you that might have forgotten)

I Hate Hiccups

2005-01-06T18:22:00.000-06:00

I've had hiccups for the past 15 minutes or so and it's driving me NUTS! Every few seconds I hiccup, interrupting my blog reading and - dammit! there it goes again... I wish Matt were here; he's got the best cure for hiccups. It's the only thing I've ever seen work on more than one person. He takes the hiccuper's hand and writes letters on his/her palm. The hiccuper concentrate so hard on figuring out what he's writing that he/she stops hiccuping! It sounds crazy but it really works.

2005-01-03T20:05:00.000-06:00

BTW, thanks Led for adding my blog link to you're site. You must love me more than Joe and Toering ;) Next time I'm at Willie's I'll buy you a (NA) beer.

Is This a Bad Thing?

2005-01-03T19:31:00.000-06:00

Today I finally went in for my TB test (which was supposed to be done last week). I have to go back in Wednesday afternoon for the final results. The nurse said that swelling and irritation were some of the possible symptoms that one has been exposed to tuberculosis. I just looked at my arm, and it doesn't look swollen. There is a large whitish circle around the place the shot was injected. I don't know if this is normal, if I should be worried, or if I should be drawing up my will.. Anyone have some advice?

On a lighter note, I started my student teaching today. I LOVE my teacher (in a non-homosexual way, as Matt would put it). I'm in a special education room with 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders. I was a little nervous about jumping head-first into the world of special education, considering I haven't spent any time in a special ed. classroom before today. My teacher was really sweet and explained everything to me and talked me through her plans for my 40 days in her room. I have my own table with little chairs for my future students. By the end of the quarter, I will take over educating 6 of her students. I will be writing their lesson plans, attending their meetings, and overseeing their education. Exciting, no?

After my 40 days are up, I move to a 3rd grade classroom to finish off the school year. I'll be in the same building, just a few doors down. I talked to Julie, and her first day was great as well. I hope the rest of you student teachers had a great first day and wish you luck and success in the weeks to come.

Oh yes, I almost forgot to comment on my New Year's Eve. It started pretty mellow, with Matt, Sid, "Jay Jay (the Jet Plane)," and I buying new fish (pictures coming soon) and having dinner in SF. Next, we stopped at Tuezdays for a drink and some pool. Then we drove over to the Anhalt's for some drinking Jenga (I was the sober driver and just watched). Toering headed back to SF, and the rest of us made it back to Tuezdays to ring in 2005 and to help the boys (one in particular) go from drunk to extremely inebriated. After the bar closed, the three of us went to an after bar party where we listened to some interesting music, ate interesting food, and some of us engaged in "interesting"activities shortly thereafter. Happy 2005! Hope it's a good one :)

One More Thing

2004-12-29T11:51:00.000-06:00

I always wonder who and how many people read the stuff I ramble about here. So if you're reading this, comment why don'tcha?

I'm baaaack...

2004-12-29T11:33:00.000-06:00

I got a little grief last night for not posting in a while. It seems like the less busy I am, the less I post. This past week I've had all the time in the world to post, but haven't done it. Go back to finals week, and I posted a bunch...

Christmas was good. Did lots of traveling, saw lots of family, ate lots of good food :) I got to visit with my flower girl and ring bearer, and they are both so CUTE. I can't wait to see them in their fancy little outfits.

This week I haven't had many hours at work, so I've been getting things taken care of around the house and thinking about organizing the stuff piled in the extra bedroom. But as you know, thinking and doing are two very different things. I might get around to it, but I probably won't.

I finally have a final placement for student teaching. I'll be driving 30-35 miles one way every weekday to student teach. I was really hoping I could be placed somewhere closer to home, but it just didn't work out. I was really upset about it at first, but I'm over it. Now I'm gearing up to go and do it. I'll be in a special education classroom for the first 1/2 semester, then in a 3rd grade room for the second half.

Later today, I'm going to get fingerprinted and get a TB test. The state wants to make sure I'm not dangerous to the children I'll be teaching. I also have to get a physical, but waiting until after the 1st because of insurance reasons.

Good news! I got my results back from the standardized test I took in November, and I did pretty well. Now I just survive student teaching, pass one more test, and I can teach! And get paid for it! For more than minimum wage!

More good news! On Friday, I'm going to pick out some new fish for the aquarium. Poor Goldie's been living alone for months, and now she'll (or maybe he'll, I'm not sure how to determine fish gender) have some company.

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas

2004-12-20T10:18:00.000-06:00

I haven't blogged for a whole week! Being out of school has been great. I love being able to get stuff done at home and mostly sit around and be lazy. Matt and I have about half our Christmas shopping done, and plan to finish the rest of it on Wednesday (procrastination rules!)

As for wedding stuff, I'm finalizing the guest list and double checking everyone's addresses. I've got a plan for pew bows. I have to go get my flowers and cupcakes picked out and ordered one of these days. BIG NEWS! My dress is in! I went to pick it up last week, but there were some major flaws in the back. There were a bunch of beads missing, and most of the beads that were there looked dangerously close to falling off. I hope to pick it up shortly after Christmas for my first fitting. Ummm.... Oh, I've got the tuxes picked out for the guys in the wedding party and the dads, but I need to decide what to do for the Ushers. I keep checking my wedding to-do-list, but it doesn't seem to be getting any shorter.

Christmas is almost here. That means lots of meals and presents and family-together time. We'll be travelling to 5 different locations over the holidays. That means Matt gets to drive a lot, and I get to nap a lot ;)

HB2U

2004-12-12T14:19:00.000-06:00

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday, dear Matt
Happy birthday to you!

It's Matt's 23rd birthday today! The poor guy has to work on his birthday, so drive up to Tuezdays and buy him a drink :)

Happy Birthday Hun!!!!!!

Bad Day

2004-12-09T10:16:00.000-06:00

I had a bad day again
She said I would not understand
She left a note that said I’m sorry, i
I had a bad day again

She spilled her coffee broke a shoelace
Smeared the lipstick on her face
Slammed the door and said I’m sorry, i
I had a bad day again

And she swears there’s nothing wrong
I hear her playing that same old song
She puts me up and puts me on
I had a bad day again

She said I would not understand
She left a note and said I’m sorry i
I had a bad day again
Nooo...

And she swears there’s nothing wrong
I hear her playing that same old song
She puts me up and puts me on
Oh I had a bad day again

She said I would not understand
She left a note that said I’m sorry, i
I had a bad day again
She left a note that said I’m sorry, i
I had a bad day

Fuel, Bad Day

This Just In

2004-12-08T15:21:00.000-06:00

**Update**

Investigators have confirmed that the prom in question was held at the Centerville High School. The two males in the photo were good friends in high school (whether or not either of the males attended Centerville has not been confirmed or denied). There are conflicting responses to the question on everyone's mind.

"Did he get some?"

********************************************************************************

More information is in on the shocking photo we received at the miss_brandi newsdesk. I have spoken with one of the persons pictured, and it is confirmed that the photo is from a high school prom. The exact location of that prom is still under investigation.

Because of confidentiality issues, I am unable to give out names of any of the persons pictured. I can tell you that one of the couples met at a state basketball game. Sources reveal that alcohol was a factor with at least one of the persons photographed, both before and after the photo was taken.

This reporter can only say one thing: "It's a small, small world."

Stay tuned for more information.

Newsflash!

2004-12-07T17:47:00.000-06:00

*** This Just In***

A photo has recently been turned in to the miss_brandi news desk showing a certain SD resident wearing a tux and a smile (not to mention the pretty white flower on his lapel).

The photo was allegedly taken just before the resident in question attended a high school prom. Who is this mystery man, and why does he look so happy? We will keep you posted as more information comes in on the identification of the suspiciously cheesy-smiled man.

Aren't We Cute?

2004-12-07T17:42:00.000-06:00

I took some time today to scan one of my favorite engagement photos. I haven't gotten much done with the wedding, so this is my wedding project for the week :)

It's been a stressful week, and it's only Tuesday! Yesterday I found out all our Level III paperwork and assignments were due by 5PM yesterday. I thought they were due Friday, so of course, I had nothing done. I scrambled to get that done, and then began on my 5-8 page research paper, which was due this morning at 8 PM. I was supposed to work at 6, so I left school and headed for home. On the way, I called Matt and found out his dad was rushed to the hospital in Sioux Falls by ambulance earlier that afternoon.

Today I remembered that I was supposed to teach my final Spanish lesson, but didn't have any of that planned. I talked to my professor, and she was more than nice about it. I will be teaching Thursday. So, with 3 days left before finals week, I have the following projects to finish.

* Interdisciplinary Unit (Science and Language Arts sections)
* Spanish Lesson (plan and teach)
*Math - 2 assignments
*Student Teaching preparation (meeting on Thursday to discuss the specifics)
*Finals (2 Monday, 3 Tuesday, and 1 Wednesday)

Luckily, I don't have to work tonight or tomorrow night, so I should be able to take a big chunk out of my list by the end of tomorrow. I've been (un)officially switched to a cashier, and I'm not that happy about it. I would have willingly, but grudgingly, made the change over the holiday season had they asked me directly. But since they went behind my back and made the change without mentioning it to me (I found out by looking at the floor schedule and seeing my name wasn't there - cashiers are listed on another schedule), I'm gonna be huffy and noncompliant through the whole thing.

I am again sitting at the library trying to get some work done, but am I working? NO! I'm blogging. Procrastination has once again tangled me up kept me from doing what I know I should be doing.

Back in Class

2004-12-06T06:20:00.000-06:00

I'm finished with my Level 3 teaching, and it went very well. I was stressing myself out for nothing. I enjoyed working in the classroom, interacting with the students, and taking a look at whole school day. My past teaching experience has been 30 minutes to an hour several times a week. This was my first time to be there for a whole day as a teacher instead of a student.

Last night Matt and I had an argument. I'm not sure how we got on the subject, but we disagreed on something that I feel is pretty major. Matt told me that when we have children (which isn't going to be any time soon) that he doesn't want to be in the delivery room. I feel very strongly that he should be there for several reasons.
1) He helped put that baby in there, he should be there when it comes out.
2) It will help him appreciate what women (me in particular) go through to have a baby.
3) I'm going to be under a lot of stress and in a lot of pain, and I want him there to help me.

He thinks it's gross (and I think he's a little scared, too). What do you think? Should the dad be in the delivery room when his children are born? Don't jump to any conclusions, though... I'm not having babies any time soon :)

Today I start back to classes. I've got one week and then it's finals. It's hard to believe the semester has gone by so fast! I've got 2 major projects to work on that are due this week, and I don't have much of a start on either one. Plus, I have lots of paperwork to finish from my teaching experience. It's gonna be a long, busy week. Which can only mean one thing - I'll be posting a lot!

Panic Attack

2004-11-29T22:47:00.000-06:00

I realize I've been a little absent the past several days. I had a good Thanksgiving weekend. I didn't do nearly as much homework as I should've (anyone surprised? I'm not.), but had some good family time and stuff-myself-to-the-brim-with-yummy-food time and am ready to get back to the daily grind. Our tree is up, and the big totes of decorations are in the dining room, but other than that, haven't done much to get ready for the next big holiday. I've been to busy trying to get everything finished up for the end of the semester.

Ok, I'm putting the final finishing touches on my lesson for tomorrow. Over the next three days, I will be introducing the concept of matter to a group of second graders. While I was reviewing my lesson plan and making some changes, I started to freak myself out. What if the students totally don't get the concept? What if my activities are boring or confusing to them? What if I do or say something totally inappropriate or mean? What if I'm a bad teacher?

My heart is pounding and I am SO afraid to teach tomorrow. This has never happened to me before. Even if I'm totally unprepared, I've always been able to put myself in front of the class and teach. Now I'm doubting my knowledge and ability and competence in the area of teaching. How can I, a 22 year old student, effectively educate a group of malleable young minds? What if I break them or mess them up or fill them with junk, and then they fail their standardized tests, I get fired and can never teach again, and have just wasted thousands of dollars on a college education for nothing??????

BREATHE, Brandi, BREATHE!!!

Blog 2

2004-11-21T22:51:00.000-06:00

I just created a second blog to put stuff from my trip to China. I decided it was getting too confusing having both the past and present mixed together, so I'm moving all that over to my new blog. The address is: http://branditravels.blogspot.com/.